


Twisted Fate

by Geekzilla



Category: Black Dagger Brotherhood - J. R. Ward
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:14:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 21
Words: 31,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23276914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Geekzilla/pseuds/Geekzilla
Summary: Shea has uprooted and is trying to start a new life, but fate has other ideas for her. She gets caught up in a world she couldn't even dream existed.(This fan fiction uses characters from the black dagger brotherhood (BDB) world which is trademarked by J. R. Ward. I do not claim ownership over them or the world of BDB. This story is for entertainment only and not a part of the official story line.I'm grateful to J. R. Ward and this amazing world she has created.It doesn't follow the book timeline accurately.)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 10





	1. Chapter one

Living in a new country, surrounded by new people, isn't as bad as I thought it would be. Especially seeing as the crime rate here is so much lower than my home town. Just the thought of walking out at night is frowned upon where I'm from. "Do you want to be robbed? Or killed? Or raped?" Those are not exaggerations, it's just that bad there. Criminals don't just steal to get by, they hurt people. They take pleasure in hurting people. Especially those they view as weak, so mostly women and children. Sometimes the elderly. Being female isn't fun as it is. I mean periods, mood swings, pain. Or worse, getting pregnant and the hormones, then the labour!! Just to bring a new life into this sick awful world. While men who are a part of it just go about their daily lives and move onto the next one as they please. But this is a new country. New people. A new start. So being a bit adventurous and going for a walk at night can't be all that bad I'm sure. Especially since stores here are open later and there are people moving about. It's strange to be shopping at night. It's strange that stores here are open this late.  
As I make my way across the parking lot, I can't help but notice a flash of light from the trees nearby. It looks like a park of sorts, lots of trees.  
Maybe someone is lost there? Maybe they're looking for someone. Or maybe they're trying to bury a body... No, new place, new people. But rather not take a chance. Horror movies teach us that much, right? Leave the strange sights and sounds to themselves please.  
Just then a scream rings out and then unmistakably, the sound of a gunshot.  
I've heard that sound so many times before. To the point where you sometimes question whether its a firework or firearm. My uncle was shot in the arm once, trying to help catch a burglar. He was standing in my neighbour's yard when it happened. Thinking about him, it would be wrong to just leave. What if there's someone that really needs help. What if I can help?  
I take a deep breath and slowly make my way to the trees, leaving my shopping by the first tree I reach. I walk in a bit more, as quietly as I can, that's when I hear it. A groan, off to my right. I creep towards a figure leaning against a large tree. It looks like a man and he seems to be injured. I can smell the blood. It must be quite bad. He has a weapon near him, I can't see very well but I'm hoping by approaching him with my hands up will show him I mean no harm. As I slowly crouch towards him, his head turns in my direction and his hand goes straight for his weapon. I freeze, but he makes no move to pick it up. Instead, it looks like he's gesturing to me but I can't really see what.  
"I won't hurt you, I just want to help", I say as I crouch down beside him. He's clutching his abdomen, the blood flow stemming from there. I take off my jacket and press it against his wound. He grunts in pain but holds onto it too.  
"You need to leave, I was trying to tell you to go away," he whispers as he keeps looking around.  
"Where's the person that did this to you?" I asked. It seemed like he was going to pass out. There's so much of blood around him.  
"They were taken care of," he mutters. We hear a noise nearby and he passes me a gun from his jacket.  
"Can you shoot?" he asks. "Does paintball count?" I answer. He starts to chuckle but coughs a little, he brings his arm up to stifle the noise. "Just focus on staying alive, I will do my best," I say. "Why are you helping me? You don't even know if I'm the good guy or bad guy," he says quietly. "Like that would matter if you end up dead," I reply. "Oh no," he mutters and tries to sit up. I push back at his wound to keep him still and keep the pressure on and he sags back down. Just as a man walks towards us. As he gets closer I cringe at the sweet smell coming off him. Gross. I pick up the gun and look at the guy fighting to stay conscious. "That's the bad guy," he says and shoots him before I can react. Head shot. The man crumples to the ground. "You need to get his weapons away from him. Hurry," he whispers. Before I can make a move forward another man comes through the trees and checks the corpse. Then stabs it through the chest and a bright light goes off.  
What the actual fuck.  
Another man comes barreling at the newcomer, rushing him to the ground and they start fighting. I keep applying pressure to the wound while keeping the gun in my right hand. "My name is Blay," says the wounded man. I look at him in surprise. Is this really the time. How is he so calm. "Shea," I said. Then I notice that his eyes are trained on the two men and his gun still raised. I guess he's not that calm after all. Another blinding light goes off as a man comes around from the tree Blay is leaning on. That smell, it's like baby powder. It's so strong. Even in the dark I can see the sick look on his face as he stares at Blay and raises his knife. I shoot him, in the abdomen but he just stands there and keeps going so I keep shooting. Abdomen, chest, maybe he has a bulletproof vest on? But the sweet smell gets worse. Fluid leaks out of him but he wont stop and then I finally get a head shot. He collapses to the ground. I look at Blay but he's barely awake now. The other man is engaged in another fight. Then I feel strong arms grab me from behind and disarm me. I scream out, as loud as I can. I scream for someone to save him. But a hand clamps over my mouth as I'm forcefully dragged away. I fight as much as I can, especially when I see the black van I'm being dragged towards. The man holding me grunts as one of my fists connects with him. "Enough!" he says and then everything goes black.


	2. Chapter 2

I wake up in a shock. My head is throbbing and my body feels sore. I open my eyes to find myself in a warehouse. My arms are tied to the arms of the chair I'm in and my ankles tied to the legs of the chair. I try to wriggle my wrists out of its hold and my legs but I'm tied down too tightly. The warehouse seems empty, just large barrels lying around. A few large hooks dangle from the ceiling. There are large metal tables lined up and instruments lying near them. I cant see exactly what they are from where I am.  
A man walks in, he looks like an albino but his gaze is steady as he looks at me. "So, you're finally awake," he says as he comes up to me. "What were you doing there?" he asks. I stay silent and try to memorize his face and voice. If I get out of here, I need to tell the cops what he looks like. They can't do this to anyone else.  
He slaps me across the face, hard enough that I spit out blood. "I asked you a question, bitch!" he yells. I feel tears threaten to leave my eyes but I try to blink them away. My head hurts even more now. He grabs my hair and yanks my head back hard, "Answer me!" I open my mouth but can't seem to find my voice. I try to clear my throat but all I feel is the throb in my head. He grabs my face and kneels down to look me in the eye. "Don't tell me you enjoy pain," he smirks, "cause then this will be more fun then I thought." "No, please," I mutter, "I was there by accident." He glares and slaps me again. "Accident?! I saw you shoot that recruit! That didn't look like an accident!" he snarls. He goes to the table and starts moving the instruments around, "let's see what will get you talking."  
I keep my eyes closed as I hear voices. If they know I'm awake, things will just get worse. I know from experience. I don't know how long I've been stuck here. It sounds like they're part of the military maybe. The way they speak, strategizing, recruiting. They want to expand operations. To kill more of the enemy. I'm not even a citizen of this country but they won't hear me out. I've begged and pleaded. Told them I don't know anything. They won't listen. They don't care. It's more like I'm being kept around as a form of stress relief than anything else. My bad days get worse when things don't go their way. A few men have come in and out but there's just one that tortures me. Asking the same thing over and over again. Hearing me say that I don't know anything over and over again. At first I thought it's just that he doesn't believe me, but it's been so long and he still keeps me alive. Surely I'm just a loose end, no importance in the greater scheme of things. He won't kill me though. I've even asked for death but he just laughed. Sadistic asshole. The only thing that I'm grateful for is that they haven't tried to molest or rape me. He finds the sight of me hideous, he complains about it a lot. I don't remember what it's like to exist without pain. It's all I feel, all the time. I just wait for sleep to take me, to get some temporary relief.  
One of the men bangs the steel table and shouts at the other, "You need to stop this! This is not what we do!" And then they start arguing again. There have been a few of the men that came in that were surprised to see me. Maybe this isn't their usual practice? I've seen them bring in prisoners before. Keep them in holes in the ground. They torture them in another room, I can hear the screams sometimes. Or they use the tables, then the screams are louder. When they're done with them, they take them outside and I never see them again. The men address each other by code names, alphabets. Which doesn't make a lot of sense to me. Surely there are more than 26 of them. Yes, I have a lot of time to think about random things. Besides them forcing food down my throat and water every now and then, there isn't much else to think about. I have to focus just to chew and swallow. But I try to check out of my head when he starts his fun and games. 'It's not me. I don't feel a thing.' That's what I keep telling myself. I've been trying to limit my movements as much as possible. Conserve my energy. There hasn't been much of a chance for me to escape, or even try to. I have spoken to one or two of the prisoners before. When the men are away. It helped knowing I wasn't all alone. I tried to make them feel better. Encourage them. 'We will get out of here. Don't worry.' So much for that. I think I'm going to die here.  
I hear a heavy thump on the steel table beside me but I stay still. Playing possum will mean less pain. I hear scuffling, sounds like they're tying someone up. I open my lids slightly and make out a hand hanging off the table, but one of those pale hands grabs it and uses the restraints. Yes, the tables have restraints on them. He put me on it once, when me being seated got boring for him.  
"Why is she still here?" asks the man. The man who abducted me, T, replies, "I have a purpose for her. We may need to keep some of them alive longer. We can use her for that."  
I have no idea what they mean. Use me for what?  
"Seems like an excuse," mutters the man. "You wanna speak up there," growls T. "Maybe we should tie him to another table?" the man says. T laughs, "Do any of them look like they're in any condition to even move. I have this covered. I'm gonna get started right away." I can picture that twisted smile on his face. My stomach churns. I want to help, but I have to stay still. Be barely here. He thinks I'm going to die soon. He hasn't been checking my ties very well. It seems like he's busier than usual with work. Which is great for me. And I have been barely existing. Trying my best not to move or say anything or have reactions. The worst that could happen is he would get bored and decide to kill me. That would be a blessing instead of a curse.  
Just then his phone rings. "Shit," says T, "We're needed downtown. Right now. Weapons are in the car, I'm driving." "Are you sure about leaving them here like this?" asks the man. "Like I said, no one is in any condition to go anywhere," replies T as they walk away.  
I patiently wait for the sound of the car leaving and slowly open my eyes. When I'm sure no one is around, I look up to see a man tied to the table. Maybe in his twenties. He's beaten so badly but he's alive. His head flops over in my direction and his eyes widen as they meet mine. I drop my head and work at freeing my wrists. Not eating properly has helped me get a bit thinner. I can do this, I can get my hands out. Just as they slip free, I let out a sigh of relief and feel my body spasm in pain. Not the time to focus on that. I struggle to stand upright, grabbing onto the table. "What are you doing?" asks the prisoner frantically, "What if they come back now!" I shake my head in response. When they go fighting, he usually takes a few hours to come back. "What's your name?" I ask him as I try to loosen his restraints. He's shaking so much, it's hard to get a good hold on them. It's even harder with my lack of strength. "Enoch," he says. "Okay, Enoch, I'm going to need your help. You need to stay as still as you can and when I can get your hand free, you need to start freeing yourself," I say. He nods and takes a deep breath, trying to calm down. I get his hand free and he quickly goes to the rest of his restraints. "What is your name?" he asks. "Shea," I say. "Thank you," he says as he shakily gets off the table. "I owe you my life, I will try and get you help. I promise," he says as he takes my hand. I nod but really, I don't think anyone can help me. I just hope he can get out. "You need to tie me back up," I say, "I can say you escaped on your own." He nods but he's hesitating. "It's okay," I tell him, "there isn't much time, please." "Come with me," he says, "I can carry you." I shake my head. "No, I can barely stand let alone walk. I would get you caught. Please, just tie me up and go. Hurry." I sit back down in the chair, waiting. He bends down and starts tying me back up. "How long have you been here?" his voice breaks as he asks. "How did you get caught up in this war?" I sigh, "I don't know. And wrong place at the wrong time. Tie it properly." I feel the rope dig in a little more as he does what I say. It needs to look believable. He checks my leg restraints as well and looks up at me with tears in his eyes. "It's okay," I say, trying to smile, "Go." He places his forehead on my hand, "I will get you help, I swear it." He gets up and I keep my head down, I shouldn't see him leave, I shouldn't hope.


	3. Chapter 3

I wake up to a huge noise. I open my eyes in surprise, only to see a table go flying across the room to join the one that was just thrown.  
Oh no. I should have kept my eyes closed. T turns around and sees me awake. He charges towards me. He grabs me by the throat, lifting me up along with the chair into the air. "What the fuck did you do!" he yells in my face. All I can muster is a gasp. This is it. Finally. I start to relax. "Oh no you don't!" he says and he flings me to the ground. I end up on my side, still attached to this damn metal chair. He pulls me up by my hair. "You wont be dying just yet!" he snarls. "How did you do it?!" he yells. "I didn't," I start but he grabs my throat once again. "Don't fucking lie!! That is not how I tied your wrists. That isn't the same knot!" Well, so much for covering my ass on that one. I just hope Enoch made it out. That's all that matters.  
"When did you let him out?! What time was it?" he asks as he shakes me. "I don't know," I gasp out. "Was it fucking night or day? You dumb bitch! Was the sun up?" his eyes are wild, spit flying as he continues to yell. "It was dark," I mutter. "FUCK!! YOU BITCH!" he bellows and punches me in the gut. I'm back on the floor. I see him glowering over me, "I'm going to really make you wish you were never born. You think I've been hard on you before? Think again!" The last thing I remember is getting punched in the face. I knew I was going to die here.

I'm floating. Did it finally happen? Am I dead? It's like I'm numb. What's going on?  
I hear noises. But I can't open my eyes. I can't see. I must be dead, or it was all a dream. Maybe.  
"Fuck! Those bastards!" I hear a voice from far away. More voices. More swearing. Angels wouldn't swear if they existed, right? I hear shuffling. Then the pain, like every neuron is on fire, all consuming. Once again, everything goes dark. 

Is that... Beeping? What on earth. I keep my eyes closed and try moving my fingers and toes. They seem to work. I slowly open my eyes. Am I in a hospital?  
"You're finally awake," comes a voice from beside me. I freeze but the beeping gets faster. A woman comes into my line of sight, "It's okay, you're safe. Just calm down. Breathe." She's wearing a doctors coat. "My name is Jane," she says with a smile. "Do you mind if I perform a quick exam? Just to make sure you're healing well?" I nod in response and feel tightness on my back. "You can stop me if you ever feel uncomfortable," she says as she goes to her instruments. I space out as she does whatever she needs to. "We thought we were going to lose you for a while there but it looks like you've gotten through the worst of it. Would you like some water?" she asks. I nod and she feeds me some. Who knew drinking some water could be euphoric. "My necklace?" I ask. Jane pulls open a drawer and hands me my necklace with the ring dangling on it. "It may be better not to wear it for now," she says. I nod as I hold onto it. A large man with a goatee enters the room and so does a man with long dark hair and wrap arounds. He has a dog on a harness. Is he blind? The beeping gets fast again. Jane walks up to them and speaks to them in a hushed voice. They converse for a little bit and then she turns to me. "This is my husband, V," she says gesturing to the goatee guy. "This is Wrath," she gestures to the huge, long haired guy. "This is George," says Wrath as he reaches down to pat the dog's flank. "You're safe here," starts Wrath but just then two more large men enter the room. The red haired man smiles when he sees me, "Thank goodness, you're awake." I just look at him. Why does he even care. He steps towards me and sees me flinch so he stops in his tracks. "It's me, Blay. You helped me out that night. I've wanted to thank you for a while now." Blay! I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding in. "I'm glad you're well," I say, trying to smile. He introduces the man beside him as Qhuinn. "We have a few questions for you," says Wrath. "I have a few of my own," I say. "We wont hurt you. You really are safe here," says Blay as he comes closer to my bedside. Jane looks like she's about to leave. "Jane, thank you for helping me. Can you stay, please?" I ask. Having another female around would help. She looks over at Wrath who nods and she stays. "We need to know if you told them anything," says Wrath. "I don't know anything to tell them," I say. "You knew Blay's name," says V. "I didn't tell them that," I respond. "You really didn't," says Wrath in surprise, "The state you were in, I thought..." "Why didn't you tell them?" asks Qhuinn. "I would have wasted my time trying to save Blay if I was just going to give his name to them. Besides, what would be the point. After what they were doing, if I said I did know something then they would just think that I was hiding more information. Things would have gotten a lot worse a lot faster and they would never have believed that I didn't actually know more." V raised his eyebrows while taking out a hand rolled, "Smart," he says, "But they could have just killed you." "I'm not afraid of death," I reply. Wrath smiles tightly, "Well well," he mutters. They have strange accents I noticed. "How long have I been here?" I ask. "A few weeks," says Jane. Weeks. "They had you for almost a month," says Blay quietly, "I've been searching for you ever since that night. I asked V and Qhuinn to start the search while I recovered." "Thank you," I say. He shakes his head, cutting me off. "We couldn't find you. In the end, you ended up saving yourself." I frown in confusion. "Enoch," says Qhuinn. Thank goodness, he got out. "Do you know what they were planning? Did you hear anything?" asked Wrath. "I need to know about this war first. I need more information," I respond evenly. "Those baby powder smelling bastards are called Lessers. They're our enemies," says V. "Why the war?" I ask. "They're hunting us. Trying to rid the world of us," says Wrath. This makes no sense. They can't rid the world of all people. "Why you guys?" I ask. All heads turn to Wrath. "Lessers were created for the sole purpose to hunt and kill our species. Vampires," he grins and his long sharp canines gleam in the light.


	4. Chapter 4

I stare at him dumbstruck. This cannot be real. Is this some kind of vampire cult. Please let it not be a cult.  
"It's true," says Jane. I look at her in surprise and she shakes her head, "I'm not a vampire." I swallow hard trying to take this in. "I expected more freaking out," mutters V, "You don't seem terrified. No screaming. Not trying to get off the bed and make a run for it. Not like you could." "You have no reason to fear us," says Blay and Qhuinn nods in agreement.  
Well I guess they would have let me die if that was their goal. Instead of spending weeks trying to help me get better. Unless... "Was I taken care of because you need my blood?" I ask apprehensively. Wrath shakes his head, "We drink from our own species. It sustains us better than human blood. No one here will try to drink from you."  
"Not unless you want them to," mutters V as he lights up his hand rolled. "Alright, how about we let my patient rest and you can visit her again later," says Jane as she folds her arms. "Agreed," says a man in a coat as he walks in. "This is Manny," says Jane. He smiles when he looks at me, "It's good to see you awake. I had to do some work on your back, but it seems like you're doing well." He flips through the papers Jane had. "Thank you," I say, "What is all of this going to cost me?" All heads turn in my direction. "You saved one of our own, this is the least we could do," says Wrath. I shake my head, "I don't like owing people." Wrath folds his arms across his large chest. "Fine, all the information you have on the lessers. Consider it payment," he says. But before I can respond, he and the others leave. Just Jane and Manny are left behind. "Are you...?" I ask looking at Manny. I mean, he looks normal enough but so do they, to an extent. He looks at me quizzically and Jane answers, "No, he's human." I let out a sigh. "They're good people," he says watching my reaction. I nod slowly. I'm going to find out one way or another it seems.  
Hours go by with just Jane, Manny or Ehlena check in on me. Ehlena is a nurse, she's really nice as well. Jane explained to me the condition that I was brought in. I coded, more than once. They really worked at keeping me alive. I keep thanking them. It doesn't feel like that would ever be enough. Although, I'm not entirely sure they did me a favour by keeping me alive. She told me the lessers are impotent. Thank God for that. Things could have been a lot worse.  
There's a knock on the door and after I answer, Wrath comes in. Followed by two men I haven't seen before and Blay. "This is Rhage," says Wrath and the gorgeous one with a lollipop in his mouth waves at me. "And this is Tohr." The man next to Wrath nods in greeting. "They helped bring you back." "Thank you," I respond. "We wish we could have gotten to you sooner," says Tohr. They ask me about what I heard back at the warehouse and I tell them everything I can. Leaving out the torture. The doctors can tell them what they found if need be. Blay sat on a chair beside me and gently put his hand on my arm when things got a bit difficult to speak about. To remember it all again was just horrible. I told them about the prisoners and they explained that they were vampires. Sunlight does kill them, which is why I never saw most of the prisoners after they were taken outside. I gave them the names of the ones I knew of. They said they would inform the families. Nothing I say surprises them. It seems to be routine at this point. "Why did they keep you alive though?" asks Tohr, "I'm glad they did but what was the reason. They were killing all of the other prisoners." "I don't know," I reply, "The other lessers asked that too. T just kept saying I could be useful. I thought maybe he just wanted to use me as a form of stress relief." Blay frowns, "I'm so so sorry." He holds onto my hand as he apologizes. "You have nothing to be sorry about," I say as I give his hand a small squeeze. He shakes his head in disagreement and shuts his eyes. Rhage bites into his lollipop with a crack and gets our attention, "My Mary is going to come by later. She's really easy to be around and she's human too." I nod, not knowing how else to react to that. "There's something else," I start. "He threatened to hurt my family. I have to warn them. I need to be sure they're safe." "That's not a good idea," replies Tohr, "We destroyed the place. Those lessers most likely think you're dead. Burnt to the ground with that warehouse. If they know that's not the case, then your family would be at risk." "How did they find out about your family?" asks Rhage. "They had my cellphone and must have checked all my social media accounts as well." Blay opens his mouth like he wants to say something but doesn't. "So, what happens to me now?" I ask. "Physiotherapy, Jane and Manny said that will be the next step once you're up for it," replies Blay. "No, I mean once I'm doing better." "Maybe that's something to talk about later," says Rhage. "I would rather know now though, please." I know I probably shouldn't be so pushy but I need to know...  
Everyone is silent, like they're waiting. "You will live here," says Wrath, "We have a lot of rooms. We can arrange one for your use." "For how long?" I ask. "Indefinitely," he replies. My expression must give away my dismay. Tohr sighs, "You can't go back home. The lessers need to think you're really dead so you shouldn't be seen. What options do you really have? Besides, your memories are long term now." So just a different kind of prisoner then. "Maybe they won't recognize me," I mutter quietly. "Are you willing to take that risk?" asks Rhage. I mull things over in my head. "No. I can't. If his threat was real, I can't risk my family." Blay looks as dejected as I feel, so I give his hand another squeeze and muster up a smile when he looks up. Suddenly Manny bursts in, "We need the room, now! We need to move you to another room," he says to me. I nod as Jane rushes in and Ehlena and Rhage wheel my bed away. Blay rushes after Wrath and Tohr as they leave the room through the main exit. "I got her," Rhage reassures Ehlena. She nods and hurries off to join Jane and Manny. Rhage wheels me toward a curtained off section in a new room and positions the bed. "How are you holding up?" he asks. "I'm fine." He raises an eyebrow, "You know it's perfectly normal if you aren't." I shrug in response. It is what it is. Not like I can go back in time and change anything. "You're going to get along great with my Mary," he grumbles and shakes his head. "If you need anything, there's the button on the bed there. Or you could use the phone to call up. If you need food or blankets" "I'm really okay but thank you. I've already had something to eat and Jane has my pain meds flowing so I'm probably just going to sleep a while." He frowns at me and then shakes his head. "Aren't you worried about what's happening on the other side?" I ask. His jaw tenses up and he pulls out another lollipop, tootsie pop it looks like. He unwraps it, "Of course I am but I won't be allowed in the room while they try to fix whoever is hurt. I trust them to save my family. They've helped me more times than I can count." He puts the lollipop in his mouth. Then says as he starts to leave, "Ask for help if you need it."  
I let out a breath and sink into the bed, willing myself to sleep. Hoping I can. Just as my breathing starts to even out, a bloodcurdling scream rips through the air.


	5. Chapter 5

I rip the curtain next to me aside to find the source of the noise. There's a man on a bed identical to mine, he's positioned upright and clutching his chest. His breathing is ragged. "Are you okay?" I ask. He turns to me in surprise. His eyes narrow as he takes in a deep breath. "What is a human doing here?" he asks with a frown. "I know people in high places apparently," I reply sarcastically. The way he said 'human', like I'm disgusting. I'm not a big fan of the human race. Let's be honest, we're destroying the planet just by existing. But I don't deserve that level of rudeness when I'm trying to be polite. "You must, seeing as the king is allowing you to be here," he says grumpily. "The king?" I ask in surprise. "Wrath son of Wrath, is our king." His frown deepens at my expression of shock. "Maybe I shouldn't have said anything," he mumbles. "Who are you?" I ask curiously. "You still haven't told me why you're here," he retorts. "They saved me from the lessers that abducted me," I reply and look away. "Why did they take you?" he asks, his voice softening. "Your turn to answer," I look over at him. "Luchas," he says as he looks up at the ceiling, "I am Luchas."

Luchas is Qhuinn's brother. As it turns out, he's actually a pretty cool hospital buddy. We attend physiotherapy sessions and try the exercises together. He's taught me about vampires and how things work as far as he knows. Blay and Qhuinn drop by often as well. Blay still feels guilty about the abduction. I've told him he shouldn't be but he still gets that look sometimes when he thinks I'm not paying attention. I've met some of the other house members as well. Luchas sometimes prefers not to interact and pulls his curtain closed when he wants some sort of privacy. It's been a few months and I've started to feel more and more like myself. Well, not as friendly and bubbly as I used to be, but whatever. I think Luchas was abducted too. I've seen signs on him. His fingers look like some were cut off. His injuries were pretty bad too. It seems more psychological though. Vampires heal fast from what I've heard. But he won't leave here. Qhuinn tells him they have a room for him but he always refuses. He won't speak about his wounds either when others ask. I don't pry, I'm not willing to talk about mine so I don't expect him to talk about his. I've been practicing my water exercises in the pool when Q (Qhuinn) shows up. He pops off his shoes and lets his feet sink into the water as he sits at the edge. "Hey," I call and swim to surface beside him. He grins down at me, "Looking good there." I grin back. His smile slips away as he grows somber, "Thanks for being there for Luchas. Before you came around..." I give him a minute to collect his thoughts. "He's been in a bad way. Since you're here, he's trying. It's more than I could have hoped for." "I haven't done anything. He doesn't talk about what happened to him," I reply. "Neither do you," says Q as he let's his elbows sit on his thighs. He seems more tired than usual. "Is everything alright?" I ask. He nods, "You don't need to change the subject, I won't ask." "I wasn't," I start defensively but I stop speaking when I see Manny approaching. He does the same as Q and dips his feet into the water. "So, it seems you're ready to properly move into the house. There's a room set up, whenever you're ready," he says with a smile to me. He starts a conversation with Q about something or the other while I go silent. The thing is, if I go then Luchas will be all alone again. But maybe he will leave if I do. Then I need to still speak to Wrath about me earning my stay. They still refuse when I bring it up. I have savings kept away and V can easily access my accounts. I cross my arms on the pool edge and place my chin on it. "Penny for your thoughts?" Q remarks as he splashes some water at me. Manny is gone it seems. Q notices me looking for him. "You get really deep into that head of yours sometimes. Won't hurt to share your thoughts every now and then. Some of us may even have something useful to say," he smirks. "Are the twins doing well?" I ask. He snorts, "As evasive as ever I see. They're all good. Just that their sleeping patterns are a bit out of sync at the moment. But that's nothing major." Blay arrives and they both wait as I go change. Blay said Wrath wants to see me.  
We go through a tunnel and finally step into a foyer thats just... Majestic. Blay chuckles as he sees me standing there with my mouth agape. "Come on," Q throws his arm around my shoulder, "You're gonna catch flies if you keep your mouth open." I grin and nudge his side playfully. Blay loops my arm in his and we go to Wrath in his study. I see some of the Brothers leave the study as we enter. I'm pretty sure I've met them all at one point or another. We discuss logistics and V has a great idea. He suggests using my savings in the stock market, so I can use some of it for the household and if it's lost then it will be payment enough. But Wrath says V is excellent with stocks so I will definitely be well financially. I've met with all the ladies of the household already and heard about Safe Place. I tell V that he should please send them money from any of the profit made. When I've adjusted well enough, I'm hoping I can help Marissa and the others there. Once all the arrangements are made, Blay and Q lead me to my room. Which is stunning and larger than I expected. The place is a mansion. They tell me there's a lot of rooms that still aren't in use. They leave me to get used to my new environment. I scan my surroundings. Ever since waking up, I felt like I've never really been alone. It's like there's always someone watching me. I know about the cameras set up for safety but this is different. I narrow my eyes as I look around again but as usual, there's no one there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I haven't adhered to the trauma Luchas went through in the books. Here he has just lost a few fingers and toes maybe. Not as drastic as described in the book.


	6. Chapter 6

Months go by. It's really easy to live here. Not just because of Fritz, doggen extraordinaire, but because of the amazing people here. They're pretty easy to get along with. I tended to keep to myself and they would give me my space. They would come by to check on me from time to time when they didn't see me for a while though. When I first got settled into my room, I hardly ever left it. I tried getting used to being around them. In the billiards room or entertainment room. They wouldn't get in my space when I was there. Scared they would spook me maybe. I first met Lassiter in the billiards room. I love to read. So I usually take my book with me to read in there. Having people around makes for good background noise, makes me feel less alone. I took to using large hoodies and sweatpants, because really, why the hell would I need to dress up. I usually keep my hood on and low except when I'm spending time with Bits or any of the other adorable children. I prefer to observe people, it generally takes a really long time for me to get used to others. Even longer to trust them. Everyone has always been nice though. So, I was busy reading, sitting on the two seater. I had gotten to a really good part so I folded my legs eastern style and hunched over the book, trying to absorb as much as I could. When my book was ripped out of my hands. I turned to the left in surprise to see Lassiter calmly looking at the cover. Needless to say, I was speechless. Never have I ever seen someone with so many piercings and chains and who dresses the way he does. "Harry Potter, huh" He looked at me with a grin. "What the hell," I replied quietly. "Oh, yeah, I'm Lassiter. Don't worry, you'll get used to me soon enough. I make it a mission to keep things exciting in this dreary place." V snorted, "Exciting. He means it's his mission to be really fucking annoying." Lassiter leaned towards me conspiratorially and stage whispered, "Everyone loves me, V just has a hard time admitting it" "He's not the only one with a hard time," drawled Butch. "You can keep your hard time to yourself thanks," retorted Lassiter, which led to a lot of F bombs in reply. Then Lassiter turned his attention back to me as I removed my hood. I leaned forward, closer to his face, "How the hell do you see? You have no pupils." "And no brains," said V, "But he still manages to be a pain in the ass." "Are those contact lenses?" I asked as I mused out loud and kept peering at his eyes, "They don't look like contact lenses." "Try not to get to close to him, we aren't sure what diseases he carries," said Rhage. Which led me to realize I was in Lassiter's personal space, "Sorry if I made you uncomfortable." I looked away and reached for my hood but stopped in my tracks when I realized he was glowing. Like a fucking neon sign. I stared at him in awe. "I can see perfectly. I'm an angel," he grinned. "Fallen angel," said V, "Personally, I would have preferred Lucifer." Lassiter rolled his eyes, "Pfft, you say that now!" "Why? Is it too late to swap you out?" asked Rhage. "No returns and no refunds," shrugged Lassiter. "Who the hell would even pay money to have you," mumbled someone else. Just then Manny walked in and went straight to the stereo system. There's always rap music on full blast around here. I'm not a fan but I should be getting my headphones soon so that will take care of that. After Manny pressed a few buttons, 'Sulfur' by Slipknot started playing and he flopped on a sofa. I leaned back and closed my eyes enjoying the music. "Shea," called Blay as he sat down, "Don't tell me you like this music?!" Manny looked over at me as I nodded. "Really? Which is your favourite?" Manny asked. " 'Dead memories' and 'Before I forget'. Corey Taylor's voice is awesome." "For sure," Manny said with a grin, "He's also in-" "Stone sour," we both said with a grin. "Man, I'm so glad you didn't die," he said. "Manuel!" chastised Payne as she sat beside him. But I was already chuckling, "Yeah, thanks for that, by the way." Manny showed me a thumbs up while chuckling too.  
That was ultimately the start of me integrating a bit better into the household. Lassiter is one of the people I'm closest to now. He's an absolute clown. Always goofing off and making everyone laugh. But I can't help thinking he must have went through a lot. It's like he does all that to keep the pain at bay. He and V have some serious issues but I've heard that things between them were worse before. I find that difficult to believe though. 

I jolt awake with a scream but clamp my hand over my mouth as the lights switch on. I close my eyes and try to get my breathing back to normal. 'I'm in my room. I'm safe.' I start chanting. I don't think the nightmares will ever stop. There's a knock on the door. "She's okay," calls Lassiter as he gets up from the sofa. I jump in surprise but I'm really glad he's here. Lassiter speaks to them at the door, I think it's one of the Bastards. Yeah, Zypher. He pops his head around the door to see for himself. I smile and give him a thumbs up. "Well, I don't blame you," he says, "Waking up to his face will do that to anyone." I grin and shake my head, "Don't be so mean to my dear Lassiter." "None of us know how you put up with him," he shrugs and waves before leaving. "No idea what he's on about, I'm freaking adorable," Lassiter grumbles as he sits beside me on the bed. I chuckle, "Damn straight." He clutches his chest in mock offense, "Language, little Missy!" He pauses for a bit, "Seriously though, when are you going to speak to Mary?" I feel the smile slip off my face. "I'm fine. I don't need to talk about it." He sighs, "You're one of the smartest people I know and yet you still choose to be stubborn and make bad decisions." I raise my eyebrow, "Decisions?" He puts his hands up in mock surrender, "Okay, one bad decision, multiple times." "I know if I talk about it, it's going to get worse," I scrub my face with my palms, "The nightmares will stop. I'm doing things to help." "Kung fu, huh. Didn't picture you to be into all those Japenese-y types of things," he rolls his eyes. "Firstly, it comes from China. Secondly, you've watched anime with me!!" I push him playfully. "Ah yes, I met Hinata thanks to you!" he grins. I smile back. "What is it?" he takes my hand. He can read me so well. I shake my head, "My brother really likes her too." He nods in understanding and puts his arm around me so I can snuggle up while he gets comfy. "I told you, you don't have to sleep on the sofa," I yawn. "I wasn't sleeping," he rests his chin on my head. "Ew, stalker," I mutter. He chuckles, "I was meditating before you scared the shit out of me." "Sorry about that. And thanks for carrying me up here, I can't believe I fell asleep in the billiards room." "Yeah, who would have thought that rock music would be like a lullaby for you," he laughs. "What can I say? I'm special." "That you are," he says as he plays with my hair. "I don't get nightmares when you sleep beside me, so you can rest if you want. Meditate." "Okay, but don't blame me if my glowing wakes you up." I chuckle, "A snuggle buddy and a night light, how awesome are you!" "The awesomest!" I grin as I focus on his heartbeat which lulls me back to sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

Any meal at the huge dining table is great. A family that eats together, stays together. That's what my father always said. I think most people would say that a family that prays together, stays together. But seeing as we weren't very religious, he decided the former version worked better with our family dynamics. I feel a shoulder bump to my right and look up to see JM signing, "What's up?" "Oh, you know, the usual," I smile. He shakes his head and slowly signs so I can follow, "You have that frown on, the one you get when you're thinking about serious things." "Please, I'm always frowning, nothing new there," I shrug. "And you're playing with your necklace again," he signs as he raises his eyebrow. I look down to see he's right. "Yeah, we picked up on some of your habits," says Blay from my left, "You're a fidgety one." "Blame it on all the sugar I eat," I say as I tuck into my dessert. JM whistles to get my attention and asks what I have planned for the night. "I'm going to visit Safe Place. See if I can help out a bit." JM nods and flashes a thumbs up. Xhex takes a seat beside him and they start conversing. "Is Fritz taking you?" asks Blay. "Yup. He's awesome!" Q, sitting beside Blay, grins, "He is. How about I fetch you from Safe Place when you're done?" "But you guys finally have a night off rotation. I'm sure you have better things to do." Blay shakes his head, "Actually I'm helping out at the training centre." "I would drop you off too," starts Q, "But Blay and I have a few things to do before he goes downstairs." Blay blushes and I can figure out the 'few things' they're going to be busy with. Q grins when he sees Blay's expression and winks at me. "You're sure it won't be any trouble?" I ask, grinning back. I can't help it, these two are just so damn cute together. "You'd be doing me a favour. Layla is away with the twins and with Blay being busy, I won't have much to do. I would rather not spend the time watching the crap Lassiter has on TV." "You're breaking my heart, Qhuinn," says Lassiter. He places a hand on my shoulder, "You have a minute?" I nod and follow him into the library. "What's going on?" I ask. "Are you busy today?" I shrug, "I was going to go to Safe Place but if you need me-" "No, that's good. When you have some free time, just let me know. It's nothing urgent, just some books I need help going through." "I can start as soon as I get back. Are they from here?" He grins, "We're gonna have to go on a little excursion to get them actually." I raise my eyebrows, "Oooh, where to?" Fritz comes in then. "Whenever you are ready, madam," he says with a small bow. Lassiter plants a kiss on the top of my head, "See you when you get back." He winks and disappears before I can say anything more. 

True to his word, Q is ready and waiting when I leave Safe House. I jump into the hummer and sink into the comfy seat with a sigh. "Busy night?" Q asks as he gets us going. "I could spend hours and hours there. It's just, knowing what some of them have been through..." "They're true warriors," he says sadly, "So are you." He looks over when I don't respond, "Still having nightmares, huh." "Did Lassiter say something? I swear you guys gossip like old maids," I grumble. He snorts, "Old maids. Really. And I haven't spoken to Lassiter in a while." I raise an eyebrow at him. He shakes his head, "You have circles around your eyes. They're getting worse." "Reminder, put on concealer before leaving your room," I mutter. "You know we ask because we care. You're family." I sigh in defeat, "I know, I know. It is appreciated. It's just..." "You don't wanna talk about it. Yeah, we know. But Mary is chilled, you know. I've even spoken to her a few times. It's really helped." I look out the window and fiddle with my necklace. "Anyway, this isn't some sort of intervention," he says as he nudges me. "I went to see Luchas today," he smiles. "I saw him yesterday. He seems to be coping a bit better. He was in the pool, which was surprising." "Yeah, he's thinking about moving into the mansion." I look over in surprise, "Wow, really? He just seemed to want to be away from everyone. But that's great! It means he's improving, right?" Q nods slowly, "It seems so. He started talking to Mary recently. He didn't want to say anything about it but I'm just glad it seems to be working." Q looks over at me, "He wants to stay in the room next to yours though. He asked specifically. Will that be okay?" "Are you kidding!" I grin, "It would be awesome to have my hospital roomie staying next door to me." Q sighs in relief, "I'm so grateful for you. Not just for saving Blay's life. You being here, it's made such a difference to us." "Don't get all sappy on me now, Q. You're gonna make me cry over here," I smirk. He ruffles my hair with a chuckle, "You are spending way too much time with Lassiter!" I shrug, "He's cool." "He is but don't you dare tell him I said so!" I make a cross over my heart as I grin. I stretch out my legs, "So when is Luchas moving into his room?" "Well, either tonight or tomorrow. He seems like he wants to get it done soon." "Good, let's go see him when we get back. We can help him assimilate a little." Q starts to look grim, "I don't know if he's ready for this yet." I squeeze his forearm in comfort, "Your brother is stronger than he looks. This is just a step to getting him back on track." Q nods in agreement.  
We go down to see Luchas as soon as we get home. Luchas is sitting up in bed, his legs dangling off the side. He smiles when he looks up, "Hey, you two. How about we get out of this boring place." "Boring, huh," says Q, "Not that long ago you wouldn't have dreamed of leaving here." Luchas rubs the back of his head, "Yes well, things change." I bump my shoulder against his playfully, "About damn time too!" He smiles as he glances at me, "Such a way with words you have."  
We get Luchas set up in his room, which really didn't take long at all. Fritz had everything prepared. Blay joins us as Luchas looks around. He still has a limp but at least he's mobile now. "It's more than I expected, or deserve," he mumbles. Q throws an arm around his shoulder, "That's a load of bullshit right there." "Truer words have never been spoken," I agree. Luchas hangs his head. "I should get going," I start towards the door, wanting to give them some space. "I'm right next door if you need anything," I say as step out and quietly close his door behind me.

I wake up with a frantic scream, clutching my abdomen. My room door bursts open as I look down at my hands, expecting it to be covered in blood. "What the fuck!" exclaims Q with his gun pointed into my room. Blay and Luchas are right behind him. Luchas's eyes are peeled wide. "I'm sorry," I say as I catch my breath, "I'm fine. Really." Blay folds his arms across his chest, "That's it. You're going to speak to Mary. Whether you want to or not." "I'll speak to her when I'm good and ready," I reply. "Stop being so stubborn! It's for your own good," he counters. "I appreciate the concern but it's got nothing to do with you," I reply curtly. "Fuck that!" he yells as he gets closer to me, "It has a fucking lot to do with me." "No, it doesn't, Blaylock!" I say as I sit up straighter, "You need to get over this. It isn't your burden to bear." "Fuck you," he snarls as he gets in my face, "I was the one who got to you first. I was the one who saw your guts spilling out and tried pushing it back in after getting you off that fucking meat hook that you were hanging from! So, you don't get to tell me it has nothing to fucking do with me!" "Blay, stop," Q pulls Blay back, away from me. Blay wrenches his arm away, "I'm sick of her being so aloof about this!" Lassiter appears between Blay and I, "It's because she doesn't remember all of it."


	8. Chapter 8

Blay, Q and Luchas left soon after that. He was surprised by what Lassiter said. So was I. I didn't know that Lassiter knew that. I didn't want to ask Blay or the others about how they found me. Blay is so busy carrying the worries of others on his shoulders that I'm surprised he can stand up straight. I didn't want to add to that. The nightmare though. It seems it was actually a part of my memory then. It ties up to what Blay said. I didn't want to speak to Mary because of the blank spaces. I remember everything up to that last night. After Enoch got out. I remember what T did, but it fades away at some point. I thought I had lost consciousness but it seems that I was wrong. Speaking to Mary would mean me remembering. It would mean me going through it all again. I can't. I can't do it again. I forgot for a reason. "This time you're wrong," says Lassiter quietly as he puts his arm around my shoulders, "You can't keep these things hidden forever. It's already starting to surface. It won't just go away." I pull my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around them, "I think I need to be alone, please." He drops a kiss on my temple, "If you need me, just call out my name." I nod and he disappears. I let my head fall and for the first time, I sob. I let all the pain wash through me, hoping that it leaves along with the never-ending stream of tears. 

There's a knock on my room door and I hear Luchas call my name. I open the door to let him in and go back to my window seat. He closes the door behind him and takes a seat on my bed, "How are you?" "I'm fine," I say with a smile. "You haven't been out of your room for a few days. I've heard people asking for you. I've heard people come by here too." "Ah, the perks of vampire hearing." But Luchas doesn't smile at this, "How long are you going to stay stuck in here." I raise my eyebrow at him. Like he's one to talk. He shakes his head, "You and I are different. You've interacted with everyone. You've been living alongside them for a while now." I look out the window, "I just don't feel like talking to anyone." "So why did you let me in?" There's no accusation in his tone, just curiosity. I look back at him, "You understand." He runs a hand through his hair, "Mary has been helping. A lot. I wouldn't be here if not for her." I close my eyes with a sigh, "I know. I'm going to speak with her. I just need to wrap my head around some things before I do." He comes to sit beside me, "You don't have to though. That's what shes there to help you do. You don't have to keep doing everything on your own. You are surrounded by people that care about you and want to help you." When he puts it that way... "Blay has been asking for you often," he says. "I don't want to fight with him again. I think it's best if I speak to him after seeing Mary. I want him to know I heard him and I'm trying." He takes my hand in both of his, "He worries more than most but he means well." I give his hand a small squeeze and he smiles. "Hey, your nails have grown back. Humans take so long to heal," he grins. "Yeah sure, rub it in my face why don't you," I roll my eyes but can't help grinning along with him. He leaves soon after that. I don't think he will ever be able to get rid of that limp he has. He's right though. I can't stay in here forever. Look at me, being all reasonable.  
I call up Marissa to ask about Safe Place and get ready to go. As I get to the bottom of the staircase, Blay comes out of the dining room. He dematerialises in front of me, "Hi." I step back in surprise, "Hey." "So, where are you off to?" he asks hesitantly. "Safe Place." He looks at the floor and back up again, "Can I fetch you? I see Fritz is already waiting to drop you off." I look at him thoughtfully, "Sure. I will let you know when I'm done." He nods, "Good. I will see you then." He goes up the staircase as Fritz and I leave. So, that wasn't awkward. Not at all.  
Blay fetches me with Q's hummer. He's alone. "Thanks," I say as I jump in. "It's a pleasure." Things go silent. "Listen, Shea," Blay starts. He clears his throat, a frown on his face. "I'm sorry," I say quietly. His head whips towards me in surprise, "No-" "I should have listened to you," I say cutting him off. "You just want what's best for me." "Please don't, you're just making me feel worse," he says softly. "I should never have said what I did. I didn't know you had forgotten." "Not everything," I say, "I'm going to speak to Mary. About the things I do remember. I've left it for long enough." "I'm glad. But I don't want you to feel like you're being forced into it," he says. "It's not just because of you. Even though I do feel really bad. I feel like I trouble you a lot and you have plenty to deal with as it is." "You're no trouble. Not at all. I just want you to be happy." He looks at me, "The things I told you, about how I found you... Did you know? Do you remember?" "Some," I look out the window, "I wish you hadn't seen me that way. You already feel so guilty when you shouldn't." "I talk to Mary too," he says. "I think we all do. She's amazing. She can really help put things in perspective." "So is she helping you realize that the weight of the world really isn't on your shoulders?" Blay smiles in response, "We're getting there. Rome wasn't built in a day." "But they were laying bricks every hour," I reply. "Exactly," he reaches for his phone as it makes a noise. "Do you mind if we stop at the audience house? It seems they need me there." "Is everything okay?" I ask. "Yeah, it's just that they want to have a little meeting." I feel my shoulders ease a little, "No problem. I like being out and about." "So what sealed the deal?" he asks after a while. "What do you mean?" I ask in confusion. "If it wasn't just because of me and our argument, what made you decide to speak to Mary?"  
"I'm not sure I should say," I mumble. "I know that I hurt you and I'm really really sorry. I just... You know, you can trust me. I swear to you," he says dejectedly. "You know you're forgiven and it's forgotten. I can't stay mad at you. It's just that I don't want to bring attention to it. It isn't my place." "Oh," he says, "I understand." But he looks so upset. I sigh, "Besides wanting to be mentally well. It's also because of Luchas." Blay's eyebrows shoot up, "Did he speak to you?" "No. I mean yes. But that's not why." Blay gets petulant, "Looks like I need my wild horses to drag it out of you." "Urgh, fine! You're so annoying. I just don't want you and Q worrying more than you already are." "Omission of the truth is as bad as lying," he throws my line at me. I sigh. "It... It was his expression. When you guys came in after you heard me scream. It was like he was back there. Stuck in his personal hell. Me being stubborn is going to keep him going back there. Screaming from my nightmares day after day is going to keep him stuck in that torment. I could see it in his eyes," a shiver runs down my spine. "It isn't fair to him. He's working so hard to feel better." Blay squeezes my hand, "Of course that's why. You're as altruistic as ever. Are you going to tell Qhuinn?" "If it comes up then I will. I don't expect you to keep secrets from him. I just didn't want you guys stressing about this. Especially when Luchas is getting the help he needs." I look at Blay, "I hope that you can keep that away from Luchas though. I don't want him knowing what I think." "Of course. I won't mention it to Qhuinn unless I have to either. Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me."  
We get to the audience house with time to spare. Wrath was still busy with some of the civilians. Blay got busy pouring us some coffee while Z was propped up against a wall with his arms folded. He nodded when he noticed us enter, I waved and his yellow eyes softened as he smiled a little. "Who's in there with Wrath?" asked Blay. Rhage unwraps a Tootsie Pop, "V, Qhuinn, Tohr, JM and a newly mated couple who needed to speak to the king. Phury is on his way-" "Present and accounted for," says Phury as he steps into the room. Butch comes in behind him. Conversation starts up and the usual banter ensues. The doors to Wrath's room open and a couple comes out followed by the others. My heart stops when I look at them. It can't be.  
The male is talking with his new shellan but suddenly makes eye contact with me and freezes. He walks up to me and reaches out towards me. "Shea?" his voice cracks. No. It can't be. He has fangs. I stumble back and turn to leave but he grabs onto my arm, "It's you." I pull my arm away and make my way to the door. But he gets there before me, "What are you doing here?" I step away from him, "That's none of your business." I notice the others come a bit closer to me. Blay and Q come to stand beside me. "It's time for you leave," says Wrath. "Just after I speak with Shea," he says as his shellan goes to him and clutches his arm. She whispers something to him and he looks around taking in the others. "Doesn't seem like she wants to speak to you," someone says. "I have every right to have a conversation with her," he says without flinching. "What gives you that idea?" asks Q. He looks at me as he answers, "She's my wife."


	9. Chapter 9

"Ex-wife," I snap. His Shellan's head swings between us. I would feel bad for her but I can barely keep my shit together right now, "Supposed widow actually. But look at you, Dean. All alive and kicking." "I can explain-" he starts. "Oh I'm sure you have a riveting story behind faking your death and getting married again. But I really don't give a fuck." He looks at me astonished at the profanity but he gets over that quickly. His brows going down as he gets angry, "Well that's clear. Seeing as you didn't even bother keeping your wedding ring on." I grab my necklace and break the link. I throw it at his feet, the ring bounces off his shoe. "You have someone else to wear it now," I say crisply. I turn my back on them and call out, "Lassiter!" He pops up in front of me and puts his hands on my shoulders. "Time to go?" he asks and I nod in response. I feel his arms go around me and I close my eyes as I cling to him.  
"We're here," he says but he keeps his arms around me. I open my eyes but all I see are his wings around me. "Can we stay like this? Just for a minute, please?" I ask softly. "Of course," he says and his wings draw closer around me. All I feel is safe and warm. But that doesn't stop the tears from falling. Lassiter rubs my back, trying to soothe me. "Urgh, I'm sorry," I sniffle as I pull back and wipe my eyes. He doesn't let me go far though. "You have nothing to apologize for," his thumb sweeps across my cheek, catching a tear that escaped. "I'm a mess. I'm just so tired. I've been through enough to last me a lifetime. I just want it to all be over." Lassiter grips my shoulders and gives me a small shake, "Don't say that!" I pat his arm, "I won't do anything. I'm too afraid to take my own life." He pulls me in for another hug. "How could you hear me?" I ask. "I know you told me to call your name if I need you but how far away does that work from?" "Angel trade secrets. I don't have clearance to divulge them," he smiles. "How convenient," I pull away and look up at him, "So those times I felt like someone is watching me, would that happen to be you?" His wings fold away and I take in my surroundings with a gasp. "This is the excursion venue," he grins, "The sanctuary." "Wow," I whisper. "Well, a part of it anyway. I don't have access to all of it and I would rather give the chosen that stay here their space." "So, what did you need my help with?" I ask. "Haha, nice try," he pulls me along to a building that looks like its straight out of Greece. Pillars and white marble. He tugs my hand so I sit on the stair beside him. "So, married huh?" "Was. Obviously, not anymore. I'd rather-" "-Not talk about it? Yeah, well too bad. You only get to help after you talk." I laugh in a short burst, "You act like me helping you is you doing me a favour!" He shrugs, "Well, I mean if you'd rather I drop you off back at the audience hall..." "I didn't realize you were so manipulative," I grumble. He looks at me in silence, waiting. I sigh. "Dean and I knew each other for 9 years. We were married for a year when he disappeared. I tried finding him. It's been about 3 years now that I thought he was gone," I swipe my tears away in irritation. So tired of this crying bullshit. "You were searching on your own?" asks Lassiter as he rubs circles on my back. I nod, "He's an orphan. He had no idea who his birth parents were. Looks like he might know now. My family thought he was dead. They tried helping me at first but you know, their life goes on." I shake my head and take a deep breath. "You know what the kicker is? I thought I came here to start afresh. New place, new life. But the last time I checked, this was the last place they picked up a trace on him. This country. So I never could let him go." I stand up and face Lassiter, "Time for you to keep your end of the deal. What did you need help with?" "It's not important, we can deal with it later." I shake my head, "Doing something is going to keep me from losing my mind right now." He stands up and smirks, "So you helping me is doing you a favour." "Ohhhh, now I get it," I say thoughtfully. "What?" he asks curiously. "This is why people call you annoying," I say with a smirk. He grins as he ruffles my hair, "You're lucky I love you, buttercup." "Yeah yeah," I wave his hand away. We go to the large doors and they open as we approach. It's amazing. It seems to be a library. There's so many books lining the walls. "Research?" I ask. "Something like that," he says pensively. "I know you enjoy reading. So I thought that maybe you would like more info on vampires. You never know when it could be useful." Lassiter promised that he would let Blay and the others know I'm safe and I got down to reading. I'm not sure how much of time passed by but I hear his boots come up the stairs. "You ready to go back?" he asks as he walks in. "Sure, I assume I can't take any of the books out of here?" I get up to put the book back. "You assume right. I don't think you're even allowed to be in here. But I have special clearance and I vouched for you," he grins as he leans against the wall. "Naturally," I smirk. I hesitate as I look at him, "Do you think Mary is busy?" He smiles in earnest, "How about you wait a minute while I go check?" I nod and he disappears. He pops back up after a few minutes, "She's waiting for you in your room. I'll take you straight there." He extends his hand towards me but I disregard it as I go straight to him and hug him. I close my eyes as his arms go around me and he gives me a small squeeze, "Everything is as it should be."

Initially speaking with Mary made me feel uneasy. I thought I would feel better but it's like having my insides scrubbed raw and left exposed. Bad analogy, considering... She made some excellent points though. Helped me see things from another perspective. We've been meeting a few times a week. I've been remembering a bit more. My nightmares are... manageable I guess. I still have them, she said they won't just stop. But I haven't been waking up screaming as often. Luchas as well, seems to be sleeping a bit better. I'm glad Luchas is next door. We check up on each other and if either of us had a nightmare, we hang out until we feel better. Lassiter hasn't been around a lot. Something must be up. So I haven't been able to go back to the sanctuary. I still go to Safe Place though. Fritz is dropping me off tonight. I've been trying to get the children to socialize a little more. I try to get them in groups to read to them or we have movie marathons. It seems to be helping bit by bit. As we arrive, I quickly open my door. I feel bad that Fritz wants to wake up and get it for me each time he takes me somewhere. His face drops a little at this but perks up once I thank him. My phone slipped off the seat as I got out of the car, so I bend down to retrieve it as Fritz leaves. "Need some help?" I look up startled to find Dean looking at me expectantly.


	10. Chapter 10

"You're not supposed to be here, no men are allowed-" "-I know, I know," he says as he offers me his hand. He sighs as I ignore it and step back, "I just want to talk. Please?" "You need to leave. You can get into a lot of trouble just being here. How do you even know about this place?" He rubs his jaw, "My shellan knows someone in there. I've dropped her off here before. I happened to see you leaving the other night when I came to drop her off for a visit." I fold my arms over my chest, "Does she even know you're here? That you want to talk to me?". He nods, "Of course, I wouldn't keep that away from her." I can believe that, Dean's always been honest to a fault. It's one of the reasons I fell in love with him. "I just need to explain, please," he pleads. "Fine but not here and not now, I'm already running late." "That's okay, how about after you're done? I can fetch you and we can go grab a bite?" I shake my head, "I'd rather not be with you for too long." "Fine, coffee then." We come to an agreement and go our separate ways.  
He fetches me on time and we go to a cafe to talk. He explains how he was trying to track his birth parents when he found out about vampires. He explained about his transition and how difficult it was. He's definitely a lot bigger than I remember him being. His eyes are exactly the same though. So brown and earnest. He told me how he couldn't keep in touch even though he really wanted to reach out to me. He met Mayra, his shellan, through his family. She helped him through the transition and he bonded with her. He didn't understand what that was at the time and he said he tried to fight it in deference to me. It didn't work though. Obviously. When he found out that everyone thought he was dead, he thought it was for the best. He thought it would make it easier for me. "But you didn't give up on me, did you?" he asks as he looks up from his coffee cup. "I came here to start fresh. Needed a change of place and pace," I take a sip of my hot chocolate. "Which is why you kept your wedding ring?" I roll my eyes, "You expected me to give it away?" He pulls it out of his pocket with the necklace and places it on the table. "I know saying sorry isn't enough but I really am sorry. I never expected any of this and I hate that all I've done is break my promises and hurt you." He pushes the ring towards me, "Please keep it. You will always be family to me. I know I'm with Mayra now, but you are important to me too." I look down at the table and shake my head, "I really don't-" "Shea, come on," he cuts me off, "Don't be stubborn. Not about this. When I bought this ring, it was for you. I'm not going to give it to anyone else." He reaches into his pocket, "Besides I still have this." He shows me the wedding band I bought for him, "I keep it close too." "I don't think either of us should actually. It feels like you and I were a lifetime ago. It's probably best to leave things in the past where they belong," I pick up the necklace and ring. "We both keep our rings somewhere safe, just not on us, not anymore. Deal?" He nods slowly, "Sure." He pockets his ring and leans forward with a grim look on his face, "How did you end up caught up in this world, Shea? Living with the king. What happened?" I push my mug away, "I'm not talking about it. That's not why we came here." He clasps my hand before I can make a move to leave, "I know you don't feel like you have reason to, but you can trust me. I'm still me. I still care about you a lot. That won't ever change." I extract my hand from his, "I'm starting to think that you should have brought Mayra with you here. I don't want any issues with her. I don't want her to feel like I'm interfering in your lives." He leans back, "Mayra knows about you, I told you that already. She knows how I feel about you. I love you, Shea. But I'm not in love with you anymore. I know that sounds harsh-" "-It's fine," I cut him off. "I've always preferred you to be honest with me." He smiles, "Rather be hurt with the truth than pacified by a lie, right?" I smile in spite of the ache in my chest, "You always did have a good memory." He looks away and tugs at his ear. He always does that when hes thinking of something. "At least tell me if you're happy," he looks at me again. I smirk, "And if I'm not, what the hell would you do about it." "I would take you away, you could stay with Mayra and I," he starts and the smirk slips off my face. He's dead serious. "Thanks but no thanks," I say quickly. "I am happy. It would be impossible for me not to be. Everyone back home is amazing," I grin. He frowns, "Are you sure? Cause Mayra agreed with me about this. There's enough room." I shake my head, "Really, no. Mayra seems really nice. I know she's aware of the situation but still. Most women wouldn't react like her." A huge smile lights up his face and his dimples show, "Yeah, shes pretty amazing." I smile and look down at my watch, letting my hair block my face a little. That ache in my chest makes me want to leave and never see him again. "I should go, it's late and I didn't tell the others where I am." "I can drop you off," he says but my phone rings. It was Lassiter checking where I am. "It's okay," I tell Dean after I took the call, "Lassiter will get Fritz to fetch me." He brushes a hand through his hair, "Alright, at least let me wait with you. It's not safe. There's a war going on and I wouldn't want you getting caught up in it." I nod in agreement. If only he knew.  
We go outside to wait and I take a deep breath. The night air is so crisp and refreshing. "Here," says Dean as he shrugs off his coat, "I know how you hate the cold." "That's okay, I'm fine actually-" "You ready to go?" asks Lassiter as he walks up to us. I look at him in surprise. I know I told him to tell Fritz to fetch me. He extends his elbow out to me with a grin as he reaches my side. I grin as I loop my arm through his, "I was expecting Fritz." "Oh, I know. I love the guy to bits but you have to admit that my company would be better." "I can't argue with that," I smirk. Dean steps forward and extends his hand to Lassiter, "I'm Dean. And you are?" Lassiter extends the hand not linked with mine to shake his hand, "Lassiter. Now If you would excuse Shea and I, we have things to do." With that he tugs me along in a brisk walk. I throw a quick wave to Dean as we go. "What's the rush?" I ask curiously. "There's a fight going on not far from here. I want you out of here as fast as possible." He looks grim which is really unusual for him. "Wait, shouldn't we tell Dean? I don't want him caught up in it either," I pull back but Lassiter shakes his head and keeps a grip on my arm, "He's already gone. Dematerialised. I checked." We walk towards an alley. "I just need a dark place," he mutters. We step into the darkness and Lassiter holds me close as I shut my eyes, knowing what comes next.  
When I open my eyes, I realize I'm in the sanctuary. "Lassiter, what are we doing here?" He takes me up to the library, "Can you stay here? I will come get you in a bit. There's a few things I need to do." I tug at his arm, "Why do I have to wait here? I didn't tell anyone back home I was going to be late. I should go back. Besides, Bits and I are going to do a Harry Potter marathon. She's probably waiting for me." He takes a book off the shelf and stares blankly at the cover. "Lassiter, what's going on? What's wrong?" He looks up a bit startled but tries to quickly cover it up with a smile. "Nothing, I just thought that you hadn't been here in a while and I could really use the help." I peer skeptically at him. "You know I would love to help out," I say slowly, "Just that you didn't mention it on the phone." "Oh yeah," he waves his hand in a sweeping motion, "I just thought it would be easier to bring you here instead. I can go tell Bits you're busy. You know, if you wouldn't mind helping." He looks at me hopefully. I sigh and take a seat as I motion for him to pass me the book, "Of course I will help." He gives me the book but doesn't leave. He opens his mouth hesitantly and then closes it. "I need a really huge favour," he eventually says. "What's going on?" He looks at me, "Could you stay here a few days? There are beds available and I will bring you food often. Snacks too." I fight to keep my jaw from going slack in surprise, "I know you said I can't take the books back but is it all really that urgent?" "I wouldn't ask if it wasn't," he says steadily. "Fine," I say as I sulk, "You're gonna owe me one though." He smiles broadly and kisses the top of my head, "Definitely!"


	11. Chapter 11

Time passes differently here I think. I can't really tell how long I've been here. I haven't seen Lassiter. I usually wake up to find clothes and other things ready for my use. I don't know if he's leaving them here or someone else is. I am worried though. Lassiter hasn't given me any reason not to trust him but I can't help but feel like I've just been transferred to a different kind of lock down. There was even a bed brought in here so I won't have to leave much. I know there are some Chosen that still are on this side but I haven't run into any of them. There isn't any reception so my cellphone is pretty much useless here. I often think of the others and how they're doing. I really miss them. Lassiter told me that he spoke to them about where I am and told them that I'm safe. That was when he brought some of my things here on the first night. The books are quite interesting and help pass the time. It's just information on vampires. Rituals and things like that. Social divisions and about some of the prominent families. Laws and regulations. Saxton helps with Wrath with the Old Law. He's a brilliant lawyer from what I've heard. There's also books filled with short stories and poems. Stories that seem more legend than real. Some of the poems are difficult to understand. Like reading riddles from the sphinx. I love reading but this is getting ridiculous. I need to have my sessions with Mary. Talking to her has really been helping. Last time we spoke, Dean was the main topic of discussion. She asked why we hadn't had any children. A valid question I guess, considering how long we knew each other. So, I had to explain how I don't want to have children. Well, not physically anyway. Dean and I were both set on adopting children when we were ready. Being an orphan meant he was one of the few people that agreed with me. Why bring a new life into the world when there are so many children out there that were cast aside. They hadn't asked to be born in the first place. Dean knows what it's like to be a part of the system. Going from one foster family to another. He couldn't keep the friends he made because of this and not all his foster families treated him well. He kept at it though. He worked hard in school, got a scholarship and studied engineering. Through diligence and determination, he got his degree and started work. Once he had a better understanding of the industry, he opened up his own business. Being an entrepreneur came easily to him. He put his past behind him and he and I focused on the future. One, I thought, we would share. I was devastated when I lost him. I wouldn't give up though and everyone said that I was in denial. I guess I was right about him though. These are the things I need to speak to Mary about. All this heartache, all this sadness. Sitting here and crying over it isn't going to help. The last time I literally cried about it was when I was Lassiter. I think it's best if I stay up and wait for him. He needs to tell me what the hell is going on.  
I'm still at the table, as usual, with another book. Staring aimlessly at the pages when Lassiter comes in quietly. When he sees me, he drops whatever he's holding onto a chair and flops onto the floor. With his back against the floor and his body spread eagle, he looks up at me. I rest my chin on my fist and gaze at him haughtily, "Where's your shirt?" He grins, "I don't need it when I'm with you." I narrow my eyes, "Have you been avoiding me?" He frowns at me, "Why would you even think that?" I roll my eyes, "Oh, I don't know. Maybe because you left me here and have been dropping by to leave things while I'm asleep. You know, I don't even know how long I've even been here. You said a few days but I thought you would at least visit and spend some time with me once in a while." "Awwww, are you pouting," he teases. "No, don't be ridiculous," I look down at the book in front of me. He groans, "Don't be angry, Shea. There were some things I had to deal with. I couldn't come see you much because of that. But I think I should have more free time once this is all sorted." I glare at him, "I thought you didn't go out into the field." He tries to cover up his surprise with a smile, "Who said I was fighting?" "You're wearing leathers, Lassiter. I've seen you in neon coloured tights, jeans, shorts, even assless chaps. But leathers, that's not something you generally wear." "So you haven't seen all my assless chaps then," he smirks. "Lassiter!" I scold. He closes his eyes and the smile leaves his face. I slip off the chair and sit between his arm and torso. I fold my legs, "Are you okay?" He gives me a small smile, "Of course. Just a little tired." "Why don't you stay here then? Get some sleep. I can get you something to eat first," I stretch out my legs and start to wake up but he grabs my hand and sits up. "Are you hungry?" he asks. I shake my head, "I'm fine, but when last did you eat?" "I'm not hungry," he says as he rests his head on my lap, "Is it okay if I rest on you for a little while?" "Of course it is," I lean against the desk and run my hand through his hair. "Lassiter?" He looks at me, "Hmm?" "I want to go back home," I say as I stroke his hair. "Soon," he mumbles. His eyes flutter shut and his breathing gets even.  
I wake up and realize I'm in bed. I sit bolt upright and look for Lassiter. He waves a bag of McD's at me as he sits at the table, "Time to eat, sleeping beauty" My face splits into a huge smile, "You really are an angel!" He chuckles as I go sit down. We start scarfing down the delicious food. "If you had disappeared on me again, you would have been in huge trouble," I say as I reach for my drink. "It's not like I don't want to spend time with you. Told you, there's some things I needed to do." "So have you sorted it all out?" I ask, "Do you need help with anything?" He nods towards the book shelves, "How has the reading been going?" I chew thoughtfully, "I can't help but feel like you're using my love for reading as an excuse to keep me here." He looks at me blankly, "Why would I do that?" I dip my head, "That is my next question." "Aren't you enjoying the books?" I sigh, "The books don't seem like they hold much significance. I mean they're interesting, I've learnt a lot. But how would any of it help you? Or anyone else for that matter." He shrugs, "It needed to be done. You needed to be here." I frown, "Is everyone back home alright?" "Yup, they're all good," he says dismissively. "Good. So, I want to go back now," I say. He wipes his mouth and looks around, "Actually, I was thinking-" "-Oh no, that can't be good," I mutter. He keeps scanning the room and won't meet my eyes, "I have this place I wanted you to stay at for a little while-" "-No," I say firmly, "No more. You either tell me why you don't want me going back home and let me consider listening to you. Or you take me back. I'm not doing this. I miss everyone. I need to go back." He scrubs his face with his palm, "You need to trust me. I know you miss them but it's not like you won't ever see them again." I look down and realize I've been ripping up my serviette. "I need to speak to Mary," I say quietly. I look up to see a pained expression on his face but he looks away quickly and frowns. "Can't you wait a little more?" he asks. I lean forward, forcing him to look at me. "I'm going to lose it. I know my limits. Being here or anywhere else alone, it's making things worse. All I have are my thoughts and even the books can't save me from those. I'm not in the best place right now, you know that. Better than most." He stands up and walks out, leaving me totally dumbfounded. After a minute, I go after him into the courtyard but he's not there. I stalk back into the library and sit on the bed. I grab a pillow and scream into it. "Wow, you really are going to lose your mind." I look up to find him standing by the table and fling my pillow at him, "What the hell, Lassiter!" He puts his hands up in surrender, "I just needed to check if your room was ready for you to go back to." I stand up and stride towards him, "That is rubbish! You and I both know that Fritz always has things neat and tidy." "Yes, well," he starts fidgeting and looks uncomfortable, "I was using your room while you were here." My eyebrows shoot up, "There are so many rooms there. Why on earth..." He clears his throat, "To help Luchas. I wasn't going to stay in his room. I can go through lifetimes not having to see his extra bits." "Lassiter, I could have stayed too. I could have helped as well. It's not like I wouldn't have let you share my room." "It's more complicated than that," he says stubbornly. He holds out his hand, "Ready to go?"


	12. Chapter 12

Lassiter and I are in my room and I can't help the smile on my face. It feels so great to be back. I grab his arm before he disappears on me, "Talk!" "Hi, I'm Lassiter. I love long walks on the beach and watching The Golden Girls-" "Stop! Just tell me what's wrong," I say sharply. He holds onto both my shoulders and looks me in the eye, "I can't tell you everything that goes on. I have my purpose and I have my job to do. You just need to trust me." His wings spread out and he starts glowing softly. I feel warmth radiating from my chest and the tension in my shoulders release. "I do trust you. I just want to help if I can." He shakes his head and goes back to his usual self, "It is as it should be." He walks away and reaches for my room door. He pauses with his hand on the doorknob and says softly, "I'm so sorry." Then he leaves.  
I go and knock on Luchas's door. Everything seems quiet in there so I knock again but there's still no reply. I go to the billiards room but it's empty. Now that's unusual. The kitchen is my next stop and I see Z preparing a tray of food. He looks up in surprise, "Where the hell have you been?" I look back bewildered as I hop on a stool, "Lassiter needed some help with something. He said that he told everyone here that I was safe." He frowns, "Yeah but we expected you back earlier than this. It's good to see you though." "Thanks," I smile, "How long have I been gone? And where is everyone?" He starts layering his sandwich, "It's been close to two weeks. Everyone is recuperating. There were multiple raids happening and we had to go out there. It happened over a few nights so everyone is exhausted." "That's horrible!" I grimace, "Is everyone okay?" He nods, "There were a few civilians that didn't make it but all of us are okay." He has a plaster over his nose, I can make out some stitches at the edge. There's a bandage over his forearm as well. "So, what about tonight? Do you guys have fighters to go out?" I ask. "It's midday now so Wrath said we have to see him to discuss things after first meal." I cup my chin thoughtfully, "You know, I've been taking kung fu lessons for a while now. Maybe I could fight too." He freezes and then looks at me, his eyes turn black and I notice the temperature in the room drop, "No." He doesn't shout but that's that. "Besides, I would have thought you wouldn't want to get anywhere near any one of those bastards again." I fold my arms across my chest, "You think I've been training all this time to stay home? I need to get payback. I haven't spoken to Wrath about it yet, but when I feel I'm more ready, I will." He looks at me sternly but doesn't say anything and goes back to his tray. "Don't be disappointed when Wrath doesn't entertain the idea," he says as he pushes a plate with a sandwich towards me and takes his tray. He strides off before I can say anything else.  
After finishing my sandwich, I go to the pool to look for Luchas but he isn't there either. I pass a few doggen cleaning up as I head to my room. I check for Luchas again but he's either asleep or not there. I go to my room and flop on the bed. So about two weeks. That's how long I was there. No wonder I felt like I was going to lose it. Lassiter's apology keeps running through my mind. What on earth is he apologizing for. It's not like he had anything to do with whatever has happened to me. If anything, he's one of the main reasons I feel more like myself after everything. I'm sure he must have been helping out with the raids. But why keep me away from here? If Wrath had said no to me fighting, I would have listened. He may not be my King but he always makes decisions that's best for those involved. All my thoughts run across each other and I shut my eyes and control my breathing to try and shut it off. I sometimes have trouble breathing so Mary gave me some exercises to help with that and to prevent anxiety attacks. I had a few of those when I first woke up. I haven't had any trouble with it recently though. Just shortness of breath every now and then.  
The breathing exercises lull me into sleep. I wake up with a wracking cough and run to the toilet. It feels like I might throw up. I cough into the toilet and spit out the gunk at the back of my throat. It's blood. As I push against the floor to wake up, my palm slips on something. I look down to find a congealed silver substance on my hand. What the hell is this. "Shea! Are you okay?" I jerk and look up to see Lassiter bending over me. "Just a coughing fit. It's nothing," I say in a hoarse voice. He looks at me sternly as he wipes the corner of my mouth with his thumb, "So that's why it looks like you had a fight with the toilet. FYI, looks like the toilet is winning." He shows me the blood on his thumb. "What's this?" I ask as I show him my hand with the silver stuff on it. "Nothing," he says quickly as he grabs my hand and pulls me to the basin to wash it off. "Oh no, please don't tell me!" I look at him in disgust. "What?" he asks distractedly and then sees my expression, "Oh God no! Why would you even think that!" "I don't know," I say annoyed and embarrassed, "You said you used my room." I go for the tap and start washing my hands so I don't have to look at him. He snorts and covers his mouth as his shoulders shake. I feel my face heat up even more. "I'm glad I amuse you," I snap, "You didn't answer me, by the way. What is it?" I turn around to glare at him. He rolls his eyes, "It is from my body but it's just blood." "Just blood," I say in a low voice. "Don't give me that look," he says growing serious. "I'm all fixed up. You on other hand-" "-I feel fine, really. It was just because I was coughing so hard." I hear footsteps in my bedroom, "Shea?" Blay comes in and notices me, a big smile lights up his face and he grabs me in a bear hug. "I've missed you! Why were you gone for so-" he pauses and looks at me in concern, "You're bleeding!" He holds me at arms length to look at me and I notice that Lassiter is nowhere to be seen. "It's okay, Blay," I smile to try and comfort him. He looks at me aghast, "There is blood in your teeth, Shea!"  
That's how we ended up in the medical facility. Blay insisted on calling Jane even though she was probably asleep. She ran some tests while Blay and Q waited outside. I join them once she's done. "How are you feeling?" asks Q. "I keep saying I feel fine," I say, exasperated. Blay clicks his tongue at me in annoyance. I roll my eyes at him, "Don't. I did come down for the tests after all." He flicks my ear, "Yes after all the moaning and groaning." "Where's Luchas?" I ask. "I went to his room but he didn't answer." Q rubs the back of his head, "He changed rooms while you were gone." I feel my face fall but I look straight ahead and keep walking, "Why?" Q shrugs, "You're going to have to ask him." 

It's been a few days since then. Jane asked me to come in to do a few more tests and some scans but said they're still waiting on results before she can say anything. Doesn't that sound promising. I've asked Blay and Q to keep it to themselves. I don't need everyone knowing I've been to see Jane. Luchas has been steadily avoiding me. I haven't been able to find him at the pool. Apparently he was starting to get out a little more. Going to the billiards room or watching movies in the entertainment room. I haven't managed to see him there either when I've checked. My phone rings and I answer quickly when I see Jane's name pop up. She asks me to come down to the clinic. Blay and Q told me that they wanted to know what's happening when I know. They wanted to come with me actually but I feel like this is something I should do alone. Besides, they have enough to deal with. I knock on Jane's office door and she calls me in. "Why don't you take a seat?" she says. I frown as I sit down, "How bad is it?" Jane pinches the bridge of her nose and takes a deep breath. She looks up at me and I notice how absolutely exhausted she looks. Having everyone rely on her day after day must be so difficult. "I've done all the tests I could and I've done them twice. Manny has checked with me and we've asked a few others for their opinion as well. But the diagnosis is always the same." I sit at the edge of my seat. This can't be good. "Shea, you have lung cancer."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, it's alot for one person to have to go through and deal with but as Lassiter said 'It is as it should be.'


	13. Chapter 13

I called Blay and Q and asked them to come to my room so I can tell them what's happening. I've spoken to Mary and she had some amazing advice to give. She's had cancer and has survived. Although her circumstances are extraordinary. Jane explained that the prognosis isn't good for me but they want to start me on treatment right away. There's a knock on my door and Blay and Q come in. Blay sits beside me and takes my hand while Q sits on the sofa beside my bed. "Why didn't you tell us when you were going to see Jane?" asks Blay softly. I shake my head to clear my thoughts. "It's lung cancer," I say, my voice sounding thick. I clear my throat and Blay shakes his head in denial. "That can't be," says Q, "We would have smelt it on you." "Not if I've been masking it." We look up to see Lassiter standing against my cupboard, his arms folded across his chest. "You knew," I said quietly. He nods and looks away, "I've been trying to find a way to help you. I thought leaving you in the sanctuary would prolong things." He looks down at his boots and goes silent. Q leans his elbows on his legs and drops his head. Blay squeezes my hand, "There are treatments. Humans recover all the time. Just don't give up." I nod but I haven't decided about going on treatment yet. Jane said it's just to keep me alive a bit longer. My cancer is terminal and the state my body is in, after everything I've been through, doesn't help. Q comes to sit next to me and takes my other hand in his, "You're one of the strongest humans we know. This isn't going to stop you. You won't be alone either. We will be here whenever you need us and Luchas-" "No," I say cutting him off, "I really would prefer it if no one else knows. Please." Q looks at me uncertainly, "Not even Luchas? You two are pretty close, just because he changed his room-" "-It's not about that. Really. I just want to be treated the same. I don't want everyone looking at me differently or acting weird around me. I don't want this to stop feeling like home." I don't want to say goodbye either but that's out of my hands now. "What can we do? How can we help?" asks Blay. "Well, I'm going to need to go for chemo. Jane is going to try and get Havers to help so I can get treated there. If you guys have time then maybe you can take me there every now and then. But I have Fritz to take me when-" "-You got it," says Q quickly. "If Jane can get the treatment to Havers then why don't you take it here?" asks Blay. "You know how busy the medical facility is here. It would be easy for everyone to find out. Havers has a special room he will keep ready for me and it will be done really privately." Blay looks resolute. "At least one of us will be there, for every visit," he says firmly. "That's not necessary, it's just if you guys have free time." Q throws his arm over my shoulder while keeping our hands linked, "You can't argue about this. It's what's going to happen whether you like it or not. When is your first visit?" I shrug, "I still have to discuss it with Jane."  
After talking a little more, Blay and Q leave. I'm glad I told them. Blay and Q have really been there for me. At first I thought it was out of guilt or obligation but as time has gone by, it's clear that they are just genuinely good people. I'm so lucky to have met them and everyone else here. If this is the end. it couldn't happen in a better place. It couldn't be with better people.  
"I'm glad you're going for treatment," says Lassiter. I look up in surprise, I forgot he was still around. He's been so silent this whole time. "I haven't actually decided yet." He looks at me sternly, "Then why did you make it seem like you're going?" I sigh, "You know why. If I hadn't said that, they would have kept going off at me. But it's my body. My decision." His teeth clench and I see a muscle in his jaw jump, "So another bad decision then. You don't learn, do you." I've never seen him so serious before. He isn't one to get angry or upset. But he doesn't understand. No one could. "You know, when Jane told me, the first thought that came into my mind is that I should have died when I was with the lessers. I've just been living on borrowed time." Lassiter's brows go down and I put up a finger to stop him from getting more upset with me, "But I spoke to Mary. She's really helping me try to come to terms with things. I was born with an expiration date, even though the cancer gives me a shorter time frame, I could even die before that. Nothing is set in stone." "Exactly," he says firmly, "Which means that you should get treatment. By sitting back and doing nothing, you're giving up. You are not a quitter." I look at him as I contemplate, "You can see things no one else can, right?" He nods in response. "It must be quite a burden," I say. He shrugs, "It's part of my reason for being. Just as you have your reason." "The chemo may make me sick. It's hard to just say yes when I know this. Think about it from my perspective. This cancer is terminal. Do I really need to go through all the pain and being poked and prodded in the time I have left. After that warehouse, the last thing I want is to be in a hospital again." Lassiter kneels in front of me and holds onto both my arms, "Promise me you won't give up. Promise me that you will try. You can do anything you put your mind to," He looks at me so earnestly, it makes me feel like he can see my soul. I nod but he frowns, "Say it." I look at him exasperated, "I promise." He let's out a breath and sits beside me. "You can tell Luchas if you want to. He really cares about you." I shake my head, "I really just want the few of you to know. Besides, it seems like he's busy so I won't worry him." "He moved rooms because I asked him to," says Lassiter quietly. I look at him in surprise, "Why would you do that?" "Would you want him to be next door when you don't even want him to know about the cancer?" he asks. "Good point," I concede. "I also told him to give you some space for now. But you can always go see him. He's in a room close to Blay and Qhuinn's," he says. "So, you said you were helping him but you were really trying to help me?" I ask. "He is one of my charges, it's just that he needed some time before I could approach him. Everything has it's time and place." I nod as I try to understand, "Will you keep the scent masked for me, please?" He puts his arm around me, "You know I will. You didn't even need to ask. I really wish I could have done something. I wish I could have stopped all of this." I give him a squeeze, "Don't do that. You may be an angel but you aren't God. I know this is out of your hands. Out of all of our hands really. But you're right. I won't give up. I did promise anyway." He smiles, "That's my girl."


	14. Chapter 14

As much as I wanted to keep things quiet, we had to tell Wrath. What a happy little conversation that was. Wrath made time to speak to us in his study. Jane explained what's going on. Wrath listened, his face getting more and more fierce. "There has to be something we can do," he said. Beth was there too and she nodded in agreement with him. "Shea, is going to start with chemo," said Jane. Manny was there too of course. He already knew. "But you said that's not going to stop it," said Beth. Wrath banged his fist on the table, his pens rolled around and some papers fell onto the floor. "This is unacceptable," he growled. "I don't know what else we can do," said Jane. She sounded and looked so defeated. I sat down beside her and held her hand, "This isn't your fault. It's out of your hands. You guys have done so much for me already." "You're family," said Beth with her eyes shining, "We can't lose you." Wrath wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. "Aw, come on Beth. You know I'm only human. My lifespan is always going to be shorter than all of yours. It was gonna happen some time or the other," I said with a small smile. "It's not right," she said, "You're one of us." Wrath's head snapped up, "The transgression!" I looked at him confused, "The what now?" Beth perked up, "Yes!" Some conversation went on after that and most of it just went over my head as my thoughts were still scrambling from everything. Eventually they explained that they could check if I have a genetic link to a vampire. If I do, they may be able to force the transition on me. They did it for Butch. "I know that vampires don't get usual human illnesses, but if I went through the transition then would it stop the cancer? Would it get rid of it totally? Would it mutate it? Basically, have you ever tried to put someone who is sick through the transition?" I asked. Everyone settled down and a few looks were exchanged. "It hasn't been done before," said Wrath eventually, "Butch wasn't sick when we turned him." I nodded and went silent in thought as they continued to discuss things. Jane and Manny were worried about whether my body could handle the transgression. But she did say they've been getting help to pick up vampire genes through a blood test. "What do you think?" asked Manny. I shrug, "I've got nothing to lose. Lets do it." He nodded and looked at Jane, "We just need to get that blood test sorted out." He looked over at Wrath, "It may take a few weeks. We're almost there, we just need to do some tests to confirm everything." Wrath nodded. "Can we keep all of this private?" I asked "I'd rather not have everyone know and worry." "Who else knows about this?" asked Wrath. "Blay, Q, Mary, Lassiter and everyone in this room," I said. "Havers, he's going to loan us a room for treatment," said Jane. "That's fine, we won't say anything. If that's what you really want," said Wrath. I let out a breath i was holding in, "Thank you." "However, if we need more hands on deck for your transition then we will have to tell more people," said Wrath. "Why would you need more people?" I asked confused. It already feels like a lot of people know. "The transition is... difficult. We won't know how much of blood you may need to get through it. We don't know how your body will react to it as well. Like you pointed out, we're going to be flying blind on this one. No pun intended," he said as he pet George. "That's fine," I said, "If I can be turned, would it be done at Haver's or here?" "Here," said Wrath firmly, "It's going to be in our home and you will have us around you. No strangers." I blinked back tears, "I don't think I could ever say this enough but thank you." "You say it plenty," said Wrath gruffly. "Too much if you ask me," said Beth and she came over and gave me a hug. "What about telling Dean?" asked Beth. Of course pretty much everyone knew about that incident at the audience house. "No, I definitely don't want him knowing." Beth looked worried but didn't say anything. "What is it?" I asked. She shook her head and didn't say anything. Jane and Manny left soon after that. I was getting up to leave too but Beth held me back. "I didn't want to say anything in front of Jane or Manny, but don't think it would be better to tell everyone? Or at least the people you're close to? If things don't work out the way we hope, shouldn't they be able to..." she stopped and looked away. "To say goodbye?" I asked with a smile. "It's okay, Beth. We have a plan now, right? Let's see how things go first. I may not be eligible for the transition in the first place." "But if you are-" she started but stopped short, "I know it's none of my business." "Okay, now that's offensive. You call me family but say it's none of your business," I said as I bumped her shoulder. She gave me a weak smile. "I know it's selfish to keep it away. I just need time to wrap my head around things. Everything has been happening so fast. I will decide when we get closer to the time. For now, just keeping it between us is best. Just until we have more information." She nodded but I could tell she wasn't happy with my response.  
Blay and Q were excited when I told them about the idea Wrath came up with. Then they became worried because of the risk factor behind it. I haven't seen Lassiter in a while, the last time was when I made him that promise. I've been going for chemo in the meantime and it has not been fun. There's been a lot of vomiting which makes me really glad that the next room is vacant. My hair has been thinning slightly but not too bad, thank goodness. I hate it though. I hate needles and I had hoped I wouldn't have to spend time in a medical facility long term again. But this is just how it is. I get tired a lot so I'm usually n my room. I decided to have first meal with everyone today but ended up leaving a bit earlier than usual. I began walking and that's how I ended up here outside.  
I walk towards the pool and sit on the edge. I trail my fingers through the still water. I look up when I hear footsteps getting closer. "Hey!" I call out with a grin, "Why don't you come and sit with me for a bit?" Luchas stops walking but hesitates. The smile slips off my face, "I mean, if you're too busy then you don't have to." I turn away, not wanting to put him under pressure. After a minute, he comes over but sits a few feet away. "I haven't seen you around much," I say softly. He shrugs, "Lassiter said you needed space. You could have just told me if you felt like I was smothering you," he says coolly. "That's not how I felt," I say with a frown. "Well, seeing as you didn't bother telling me directly, what else was I supposed to think." I notice he won't even look at me. "I'm sorry. Lassiter was just being overprotective. He means well. I didn't even know he said anything to you until later on. I looked for you when I got back from the sanctuary," I say earnestly. He looks at me in surprise, "So that's where you were! Why did you go there?" "Lassiter needed me to do something," I reply. "It's nice to see you out and about though," I say with a smile. "I like being outside, It's quiet." I nod in agreement. "You're losing weight," he says. "Aw, you say the nicest things, Luchas," I grin at him. "Shea," he says exasperated and shakes his head. So I splash some water on him which catches him off guard. I make a run for it as he dips his hand into the water, but I don't make it far. I end up short of breath and coughing before I reach the entrance to the foyer. Luchas rushes towards me and puts his hand on my back. I take in a few deep breathes and pat his arm, "I'm okay. Used to have asthma as a kid so this happens sometimes." He frowns, "It hasn't happened before." "Well, you haven't seen me run before," I retort. His frown stays plastered on but we start talking about hanging out and he gradually relaxes. Q shows up and we talk for a bit. Q puts his hand on my shoulder to get my attention, "Ready to go?" Of course, how could I forget, more chemo. Yay.


	15. Chapter 15

It's been about three weeks and Jane took my blood to check about my bloodline. She said that for now, it could just pick up if I have any genetic markers that may link me to vampires. With the transgression they picked up that Butch is actually related to Wrath. How wild is that! I don't mind not knowing details, I just need to know if the transition is an option at all. I still haven't seen Lassiter. I'm really worried. I've tried calling him once but I felt bad because he's probably doing something really important if he's not around. He didn't show up though. I mean, he could visit at least. It's like he's just vanished. I can't even go out looking for him because I've been stuck in my room alot. I've been feeling more and more tired lately. I've asked about him but whoever I've spoken to had said that he seemed fine the last time they saw him. Hardly anyone has seen him recently though. The billiards room is so quiet without him, it felt weird the last time I was there. My phone rings, pulling me out of my thoughts.  
"Hello?" I answer. "Shea! I'm glad you picked up! It's Dean, is it okay if we talk for a bit?" "Sure," I say slowly, trying to hide my surprise. "I know this is unexpected. I went to the audience house and Safe Place but I didn't see you around. Mary saw me at Safe Place one night and gave me your number after I asked. I hope that's okay," he says quickly. Of course, Mary. She's the only one who knows what's really going on with me. She must have thought that this wouldn't be a problem. She's right, it's actually nice to hear his voice. "It's fine. What's going on? Is everything okay?" I ask. "Yeah, I just realized that we hadn't exchanged numbers when we met. I had no way of checking how you're doing," he says. "Oh, that's sweet. How are you? How's Mayra doing?" "We're good. Actually, Mayra's been worrying me to get you to come over. She's heard about you from me and really wants to meet you officially," he hesitates a little, "The thing is, she doesn't really have many friends. Especially female friends. She's the only child and she's spent most of her time with her cousins. I think she feels like you're someone she could connect with." I shut my eyes as he goes on. "I don't mean to put any pressure on you or anything like that. I just want you to know that she doesn't have any bad intentions." "I don't think I can make it," I say. "But I haven't even told you when..." he sounds hurt. "It's not because I don't want to, Dean. I mean, I can't say that this isn't a weird situation. It's just that I've been a bit busy lately." He sighs, "It's okay. I didn't expect you to just say yes. I was hoping though." He pauses before continuing, "Are we okay? You and me? Or are you going to cut me off?" That probably sounds drastic but he knows me well. I've cut people off before for a lot less. It generally makes things easier for me. "We're good. We spoke things through remember," I say sincerely. "Good. Because I meant what I said. You will always be family to me." I look over at my night stand, my necklace and ring lying there, "I know, you're important to me too." "But not important enough to come over when invited," he says playfully. I can picture the smirk on his face. "How did I not see that coming," I grumble. "After all these years, Shea. I'm disappointed," he mock chastises. I snort, which makes him crack up. I chuckle along with him. "Ah, I've really missed talking with you, Shey." I stop short. I take a breath and try to keep it together. I never thought I would ever hear him call me that again. Or that I could ever speak to him again. Crap. "Shey? You still there?" he asks anxiously. "Yeah, sorry about that, got distracted," I say calmly as I rub at the ache in my chest. "Is it Lassiter?" he asks steadily. "Actually, you don't have to answer that," he says quickly. "Anyway, if you change your mind, we're having a small gathering. Just some of Mayra's relatives and a friend or two. If you end up getting some free time, we would love it if you could join us. You can bring someone with you, if it will make you feel more comfortable." "Why don't you text me the date and time and I can let you know?" I ask. "Of course. I- uh, I really hope you can make it. Whenever we have these... Well, Mayra knows more people than I do here. It would be nice to have someone I'm used to attend. But like I said, no pressure." We say our goodbyes and I flop on the bed. Like I needed one more thing to worry about. My phone goes off, I check to see a message from Dean. It would be easier not to go. To stay away. Especially with me looking a bit different. The treatment hasn't exactly been kind to me. I've lost some weight, which I don't mind. But I don't feel like me. On the other hand, I would feel horrible if I didn't go. He said more than once that he would like for me to be there.  
A knock on my door pulls me out of my thoughts. Luchas comes in after I answer. He looks at me and frowns. I smile, "Hey, good to see you!" "Hi," he says as he comes closer and takes a seat on the sofa, "How are you?" I swing my legs off the side of my bed and sit up, "I'm okay and you?" His eyes narrow, "You've lost more weight since I last saw you." "Didn't I tell you? I'm on a diet. Looks like it's working," I grin. "What is going on with you," he mumbles. "You came at the perfect time," I say, "Dean called and he invited me over for a small gathering at his place." Luchas cocks an eyebrow, "Are you planning on going?" I shrug, "I'm really not sure. I'm in two minds about it." "It seems like it may end up becoming awkward if you go," he says. I nod, "I was definitely thinking that. He did say I could take someone with me though." Luchas leans back and stretches out his legs, "Then Lassiter would go with you." I hesitate, "Actually, I haven't seen him for a while now. Have you seen him recently?" Luchas frowns, "I did see him over a week ago but just from a distance and then he was gone." I bring my knees up to my chest and rest my chin on them, "Did he look okay?" Luchas nodded, "He seemed fine. When last did you see him?" So, he has been around. It's not like popping in just for a second would have hurt. "It's been a few weeks..." I look at Luchas with a small smile, "I'm sure he just has a lot on his plate." Luchas rubs his chin thoughtfully, "You must be right. The billiards room has been free off him for quite some time now. Qhuinn mentioned it too." Luchas leans forward, "Well, if you do decide to go, I could go with you. If you can't find someone to go with." I look at him in surprise, "You hate being around people." He raises his eyebrows and grins, "You have absolutely no filter, do you?" "I'm sorry, I meant no offense," I scrunch my nose in annoyance with myself. He chuckles, "That's okay, Shea. It's one of the reasons I like spending time with you. It's refreshing. There isn't the pressure of having to constantly say the right thing or to be spoken to in a specific manner." He sits on the bed and I turn to face him. "I don't like the way they look at me. I'm... Well, you know well enough. Of course, if they are a part of the glymera then I would rather not have to go. I'm quite sure I'm done with the aristocracy and their ways," he says as he looks me in the eye, "I would go with you if you wanted though." I grasp his hand in both of mine and smile wide, "As long as you are sure, I would love it if you would join me. I will find out if there will be anyone from the glymera there first though." "You really would take me with? You know they will probably stare, don't you?" he asks skeptically. "Luchas, do I look like I give a damn about their opinion?" He smiles slowly. "That being said," I continued seriously, "If anyone disrespects or upsets you in any way, they will have me and my anger to deal with." He smirks at me, "A bit protective, are we?" "You bet. And if you feel uncomfortable at any point and want to leave, that's perfectly fine by me." He gives my hand a squeeze. "I'm surprised you offered," I say. He sighs, "Mary says I need to try and socialize more. I move around the house a lot more now but she said I should get out of my comfort zone every now and then. I can't think of anyone else I would rather do that with." "We could start small if you want," I say, "Maybe go to the mall or grab a bite. It doesn't have to be anything as complicated as a social gathering just yet." He shakes his head, "I don't want you going alone. I know you could take Blay or Qhuinn-" "-Actually, I wasn't going to ask them. They've been helping me out a lot. You know, dropping me off and fetching me," I stop short. "I have noticed that you've been going to Safe Place more often lately." I grab my phone so I don't have to respond, "Dean texted me the date and time. You're sure about going with me?" "Definitely," he says as he gets up to leave. He opens the door but turns back before leaving, "Oh and Shea?" I look at him curiously. He looks stern, "Stop dieting. You were perfectly fine just the way you were." With that, he leaves.


	16. Chapter 16

It's a good thing that it's cooler now. I don't need an excuse to cover up and wear something baggy. Dean said it's casual, nothing to dress up for and not to bring anything. That doesn't feel right by me though. Fortunately, Luchas knows a thing or two about alcohol and picked out a wine for us to take with. Fritz brought me to the address that Dean texted me. Luchas insisted on dematerialising here first, just to be sure it's safe. I think he probably wanted to see if it was really busy too. I told him I wouldn't be comfortable if it was. He was relieved when I said so. He was also relieved that Mayra's family isn't a part of the glymera. I'm worried about him being on his own. I know he prefers it but he hasn't been out of the house much. Q took him shopping a few times before we could come here, but still. I told Luchas to come with me and Fritz but he was so insistent. Even though he knows that V already scoped the place out. I had to let Wrath know where I was going. I told Wrath that I'm not a flight risk. But he assured me that his main reason is my safety. Luchas's safety too. So I couldn't argue with that.  
Their home is quite far from Wrath's place. I can't help noticing how cozy it looks as I get out of the car. Luchas pops up next to me and waves at Fritz. He offers me his arm as Fritz leaves. I smile as I hold onto him. "You look tired, Shea. Are you sure you're up for this?" he asks. I crinkle my nose, "Rather get it over and done with, don't you think?" He nods but still looks worried. "The nightmares?" he asks. I shake my head, "No, just too much on my mind, I guess."  
Dean greets us at the door and I introduce him to Luchas. Dean shakes his hand and looks abit confused, "I thought..." I frown, "What?" He shakes his head and welcomes us in. Luchas gives him the wine and we step into the house. There's so much of warmth, it really feels like a home. "Shey, you're looking a little under the weather. Are you okay?" asks Dean. I nod. "I'm fine. Just haven't been sleeping very well. My body is trying to get used to a nocturnal schedule," I smile. He doesn't look convinced, "You've lost weight as well." "Yup, been on a new diet. I'm glad it's working," I grin. He squints at me but doesn't say anything further. He takes us into a living room. It's quite large and there are people paired off or in small groups lounging around. A few heads raise as we walk in. I probably should have asked if having a human here would be okay. There are alot of curious stares and a few whispers. Dean ignores this and takes us around introducing us to a couple sitting nearby. Mayra comes in with a tray of pastries and sees us. She smiles and makes a beeline towards us. She places the tray on a table that's nearby and gives me a hug. "I'm so glad that you could make it!" she squeals. I try to keep the surprise off my face but I don't think I'm doing a great job. I see Dean trying to hide a chuckle behind his hand but his shoulders are shaking. "Uh, thanks for inviting me," I say as I tap her back. We pull away and introductions are made. She looks back at me with a smile, "Do you think we could talk for a bit? I've wanted to meet you for the longest time." "Oh, well actually," I look up at Luchas, secretly asking for help. Dean steps in and puts an arm around her waist, "Actually, we really should get the rest of the food out here. We wouldn't want to be poor hosts. I'll help you." She gives his waist a squeeze, "You are right, of course." She looks back at me, "Later then. I really hope you two aren't in a hurry." I smile as they turn to leave. Dean gives me a wink before turning his attention back to her. "He saved you before I could. He knows you really well," says Luchas as he grabs a pastry and pops it into his mouth. "Yes, well, we have known each other for a long time," I shrug. "These are delicious," says Luchas as he takes another one. He brings it towards me with a smile, "You really need to eat more, Shea." Before I can take a bite, I feel a tap on my shoulder and I turn to find a male beside me. He bends down to get a better look at my face and I feel Luchas tense up beside me. But then his face splits into a grin, "It is you! Shea, right?" I look at him tentatively and then my eyes widen in surprise. I have seen him before! "Enoch?" I ask in astonishment. He laughs, "I knew it!" He pulls me into a hug and I reciprocate, still in a state of disbelief. "I can't believe it," he says as he pulls back, grinning. "What are you doing here?" I ask. "Mayra is a friend of mine. You're looking well," he says. "What a small world," I muse, "It's really good to see you! You're also looking well." I notice Luchas step in closer and I introduce them. "Who invited you?" asks Enoch, "I need to thank them." "Both Dean and Mayra invited me but I know Dean," I reply. "Are you two related? He hasn't mentioned you before though," says Enoch curiously. "Well, we're family of a sorts," I say hesitantly. "How do you two know each other?" Luchas asks confused. Luchas and I haven't spoken about our times in captivity so there's no way he could know. "Shea saved my life. I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for her," Enoch says solemnly. "We saved each other. I wouldn't be here if you hadn't gotten through to the brotherhood," I say quietly. I look around and notice that we're alone in this corner. That's good, I don't want anyone hearing any of this. A look of comprehension crosses Luchas's face. "I got Enoch free when he was brought to the warehouse," I say to Luchas quietly. "He promised he would get me help and he really came through," I smile at Enoch as I finish speaking. "It's the least I could have done," he murmers, "You were exceptionally brave. I don't know what would have happened..." I pat his arm, "That's not worth thinking about," I say. He nods and I see his adam's apple bob as he swallows. The atmosphere grows somber and I feel Luchas take my hand. I give his hand a small squeeze and I smile, "You know, I'm glad I decided to come here after all." Enoch cocks his head slightly, "You didn't want to be in a room filled with vampires?" I drop my jaw in surprise, "Vampires? I thought that's just a myth!" Enoch hesitates in surprise and I chuckle. "That's mean, Shea," he says but starts chuckling too. "Sounds like a good joke. Care to share?" asks Dean as he joins us. Enoch shakes his head, "Shea was just being silly." Dean frowns, "You two know each other?" I feel the smile start to slip off my face. "Oh yeah, we've met before," I say with a wave of my hand, like it's no big deal. Enoch catches my drift and plays along, "Yeah, I knew you were a human of course. Which is why I wasn't sure if it really was you when I first spotted you here." "Where did you guys meet?" asks Dean. Enoch begins to reply but starts to sputter. "Where's Mayra?" I ask, taking Dean's attention away. "She just went upstairs quickly, she should be back soon," he says. He still looks like he wants to ask more questions. "Good, I wanted to spend some time with her," I say. "Me too," says Enoch, "I haven't seen her in a while actually." I check my phone and see a voice message from Jane. "Would you guys excuse me? I just need to make a quick call," I say and I go outside. I take a deep breath in and try to hold back the cough tickling at the back of my throat. I take a few shallow breaths until I have things under control and I start opening up my phone to access the message. Just then, I hear the door click shut and see Luchas, "Are you okay?" I nod, "Yeah, Jane left a voice message so I thought I should check it." "Do you want me to leave?" he asks. I shake my head. Dean steps out to join us, "Everything alright?" I nod. "Can I talk to you for a minute?" he asks. "Sure," I say. Luchas turns to leave but I grab his arm, "No, you can stay." He and Dean both frown but Luchas stays beside me. Having him here helps. Dean grits his teeth but continues, "How did you meet Enoch?" I fold my arms, "Why are you so hung up on this? What difference does it make?" "Because, Enoch hasn't left his house for months. The last time he went out, before tonight, was the night the lessers took him." We pause and I try to look surprised. "That's really horrible. I'm glad that he's decided to come out tonight," I say quietly. "You're keeping something from me, Sheanna," he says as he comes closer to me. He's definitely upset, he rarely uses my full name. "You are being a poor host. Shouldn't you be with your guests," I gesture towards the door and Dean grabs my hand. Luchas steps forward but I hold his arm and he stops. "How did you get this, Shea?" asks Dean as he shows me the scar on my hand. 

_T stands over me with his special knife. The one with the really jagged edge. I stare straight ahead, seeing nothing. He flashes the knife before my eyes and I flinch. "Don't worry. I won't take your eyes from you. How would you see what I do to you. How would I see that look of horror and pain in your face without those eyes," he sneers. He runs the edge of the blade on my forearm, lightly and then he presses in so that it cuts deep enough to make me bleed. His eyes shine and he grins as he sees the blood spill. He licks his lips in anticipation. "You still don't want to tell me their names, do you? That's fine by me. You're the best plaything I've ever had." He grabs my face, forcing me to look at the blade digging into the top of my wrist. "There's so much more I can do to you. So many ways to make you hurt," he moans. He opens up the fist I made and presses my palm down flat against the chair's arm. He holds my fingers down and his breathing gets heavy as his grin widens. "I want to hear you. Scream for me! Scream!" he yells as he plunges the blade into my hand._


	17. Chapter 17

I gasp and I pull my hand back. Dean looks at me in shock. He reaches for me in a panic, "Oh my God, I'm so sorry. Shea, did I hurt you?" Luchas's hand snaps forward and grabs Dean's extended arm, "Don't touch her," he growls. Dean and I look at him in surprise. I tug Luchas's arm and he looks down at me. He lets go of Dean and puts his arm around me. That's when I realise I'm shaking. I take a breath to calm down. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you, I swear," Dean says. He looks so upset. "No, you didn't hurt me. It's okay," I say. "Man, this is a mess," he says as he runs a hand through his hair and tugs at it. "I shouldn't have pushed. I'm just really worried about you. When I first saw you, I knew something was up. I thought that maybe it was because of me. But now..." he says and starts pacing. I keep focusing on my breathing and notice that the shaking is subsiding. I loosen the death grip I have on Luchas's waist. Dean stops pacing and faces me, "I've seen you sick before, Shea. I've seen you go through some heart wrenching things. I've seen so many sides of you over the years. But I have never, ever seen you look the way you do now." "You're really giving me a complex here. Just how bad do I look," I grumble. He reaches for me again but stops short, "You can talk to me. Just tell me what's going on. How can I help?" I shake my head, "You should go back inside. I'm sure Mayra and the others will be wondering where you are." He tugs at his ear. "Enoch... He's never mentioned meeting a human before. Did you know that he had an issue with Mayra and I being together? Because I've only recently transitioned. I've been a human alot longer than I've been a vampire. He really doesn't like humans," he says meaningfully. "Then we see him hug you... Mayra's visited him after the abduction. She said it seemed like she wouldn't ever see him smile again. And then I see him laughing with you... She also said that he mentioned being set free by another prisoner there. A human," he says as he looks at me uncertainly. I stay silent. He's just guessing. If he knew for sure, we wouldn't be having this conversation. Luchas's grip tightens around me. We look passed Dean as the door opens. Enoch steps out and freezes when he notices the tension. "I, uh, I was just looking for you and Luchas," he says before turning to Dean, "Mayra's looking for you." Dean folds his arms across his chest. He's not going to let this go. I can tell. "We should go," I say. "No, please wait," says Enoch. "Since when do you care so much about a human?" asks Dean. "Since Shea is a friend of mine and since I've had to put up with your miserable ass," retorts Enoch. "How did you become friends?" asks Dean stubbornly. "Listen man, I get you have tons of questions but Mayra's gonna lose it if you don't get in there. Something is burnt and she needs your help." Dean immediately goes inside. I breathe out a sigh of relief as Enoch comes over to us. "You don't want him to know," he says, more of a statement than a question. "I really don't," I say. "I get it. It took a lot for me to finally open up and tell Mayra or anyone else about it. But I have to ask, why are you keeping it from him? He's genuinely worried about you. I haven't seen him like this, he's usually only this way with Mayra... Who are you to him?" Enoch asks curiously. Luchas drops his arm and takes my hand, "Maybe we should go." "She's my ex-wife," Dean says as he steps up to us. Enoch's eyes bug out and he coughs to try and hide his surprise. "I did say I was married before," says Dean, "Obviously Mayra knows everything." Enoch nods at me, "This small world gets smaller." "Why don't you guys come inside? Mayra's looking for all of you," says Dean.  
Mayra really prepared a lot. We all sat together to eat. Luchas and Enoch seem to be getting along really well. They sat on either side of me while we ate. After eating, everyone went out into the backyard. Its spacious and there's a lot of grass and a beautiful garden. There are chairs everywhere and little tables. A pool stretches out on one side. Some of the guests go into the pool while some relax on the loungers. They seem to be wary of interacting with Luchas and I. Maybe having a human here is too strange, or maybe they were told to give us some space. Mayra joins the three of us at a little table. She's really easy to get along with. Her warmth is what draws others to her. She's really just genuinely nice. I thought that she would want to have words with me about Dean but she doesn't even speak about him. Just about hobbies and interests. She and Enoch share some of their funny moments. It seems that they grew up together. They've known each other since they were 7. Even Luchas seems at ease with her around. "Shea, why don't I give you a tour?" she asks excitedly. "That would be great," I say with a smile. I look over at Luchas and he's busy talking to Enoch. He gives me a smile and a nod as I leave. It's hard not to be smiling when Mayra's around. She's so bubbly. She shows me around and then we end up in the library. "This is one of my favourite rooms," she says as she runs her hand along the spines of the books closest to her. "I love reading too," I say. "Dean told me! I knew we would get along well. We have a lot in common," she smiles. The room is filled to the ceiling with shelves of books. Behind Mayra, a little further along, there's a huge window. Some sofas are in front of it. We go and take a seat. I look up at the stars. The window overlooks another garden. Must be on the other side of the house. "I've heard so much about you from Dean. I've always hoped I could meet you. It was never my intention to take him away from you. We both tried to fight it," she says quietly. "I'm glad he has you," I say with a smile. She looks at me in astonishment, "You're not angry?" "No, how can I be? It's obvious how happy you two are together. It's all I could ask for." Tears fill her eyes and the smile slips off my face, "Oh no, please don't be upset-" but before I can finish, she grabs me in a hug. We hear Dean call out for her in the hallway. "In here," she shouts back and scrubs at her eyes. Dean comes in and looks at us in concern. "Love, what's wrong?" he asks her. "I'm just getting sappy," she giggles. He smiles at that. "Well, your cousins are asking for you. They want you in the pool," he says. She rolls her eyes, "Like I'm going in there with them splashing around." She sighs as she wakes up, "Let me go see if they need anything." I start to stand up but Dean gestures for me to sit. I look at him apprehensively. "I don't want you leaving here tonight with us being on bad terms," he says with a small smile as he sits down. I realize that this could be the last time I see him. He's right. I don't want that either. "Are you still going to pester me about Enoch?" I ask. "It isn't about Enoch. It's about you." He sighs when I don't respond, "Omission of the truth is as bad as-" I cut him off, "It's none of your business. I'm not saying this out of spite or anger. It's just true. Whatever happens or doesn't happen to me has nothing to do with you anymore. You are not responsible for me." "I'm well aware that you can take care of yourself, Shea," he says calmly, "Like I said before, I'm just worried about you. You're my family. Stop pushing me away." "Stop being so persistent," I say feeling frustrated, "Just let it go." "Just tell me if it was you," he says leaning forward. "Did they take you? Did you save Enoch? Is that why the brotherhood is keeping you with them?" I jump when I hear the knock on the door. Luchas walks in and looks at me, "Are you alright?" I nod and wake up, glad for the interruption. Dean grabs the back of my jacket, "Every time I've seen you, you're covered. Always in long sleeves, in jeans. In bulky, baggy clothes even when it's hot. What are you hiding? How many more scars do you have?" I tug my jacket out of his grip and walk towards Luchas. Dean wakes up and follows, "Just tell me who it was. Let me ahvenge you!" "That is not your job!" I say when I turn to face him. "I am still your family, I have every right to ahvenge you!" he insists. "I am not dead! If anyone gets to kill that damn lesser, it will be me," I hiss. Dean's eyes widen. Oh fuck. Luchas grabs me and turns me away from Dean. The temperature in the room drops and Dean let's out a roar loud enough to shatter the huge window completely.


	18. Chapter 18

"I WILL KILL THEM ALL," Dean hollers. Mayra and Enoch rush in, panic etched on their faces. Mayra rushes over to Dean, he's shaking in anger and his hands are clenched into fists. Mayra holds onto him and starts speaking to him quietly. I see him focus on her and start to relax a little. I look at Enoch, "Please don't let anyone in here." He nods and closes the door behind him as he leaves. Luchas lifts my chin so that I look up at him as he bends over me. "Are you okay?" he asks concerned. "I messed up," I whisper. Luchas sighs and hugs me, "You didn't. He would have found out either way." "It shouldn't have been like this," I mutter. "However it came up, I think his reaction would have been the same. I don't know you as long as he does and I want to rip every lesser from limb to limb." I pull back and look at him. "You want to fight in the war?" I ask reluctantly. Before he can answer, Dean stomps over to us and pushes Luchas aside. He pulls me into a hug and sags against me. "I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry," he keeps mumbling as he holds me tight and buries his face in my neck. "What on earth for?" I ask confused. "I should have been there. I should never have left you alone. I could have..." he trails off but still holds me close. I feel a trickle of moisture run down my neck. Is he... "No, don't do that," I say as I tighten my grasp on him. I look up to see Mayra with her arms wrapped around herself and tears shimmering in her eyes. I meet Luchas's steady gaze and I feel the knot in my chest ease just a little. Those aren't the eyes of a victim. Not anymore. "Everything happened the way it was supposed to. We're exactly where we're supposed to be," I say as I run my hand through his hair. We stay that way for a moment and I feel his breathing start to even out. I gesture for Mayra and she rushes over and embraces us both, her tears falling freely. She rests her head on my other shoulder. Luchas comes closer and links his pinky finger with mine. I take a deep breath and drop my head. I'm not alone. I'm not a victim anymore. I have a choice. With how I think, with the decisions I make. The abduction, this illness, it doesn't control me. It doesn't stop me from being me and from living the way I want to. Only I do.

Enoch saw the guests off, he said that there was an accident and apologized on behalf of Mayra and Dean. We ended up in the living room and Mayra made us all tea. Enoch clears his throat, breaking the silence. "So that's why you didn't want him to know," he says to me. "Why are you still here?" asks Dean sarcastically. Mayra swats his arm playfully. "Thank you for helping, Enoch. I'm so glad you were here and got rid of our guests for us, Enoch," says Enoch cheekily. I grin at him. Dean looks at Mayra, "You see? And you expect me to be nice to him." She rolls her eyes, "Stop you two. This isn't the time for your antics." I think it's the best time though. It's probably them just blowing off steam after everything. Things get quiet again. Dean looks at me, "How bad was it?" I shake my head. "I'm not talking about it," I say. He looks at Enoch but he just shakes his head in response as well. "We should get going," I say as I stand up. Luchas follows suit. Enoch stands up too, "Before you go, could I get your contact number? I'd really like to speak to you again." "You can get it from Dean," I say. Enoch scoffs, "Like he would give it to me." "How well you know me," says Dean as he stands up too. I raise my eyebrow at Dean and recite my number to Enoch. Enoch gives me a hug. "There were a few things I wanted to speak to you about. But, only when you're ready to talk," he says to me quietly. I nod and we break apart. "I'm really glad I got to see you again," he smiles. "Me too," I agree with a grin. Mayra comes with us to the hallway and gives me a huge hug. "Please keep in touch. I would love to talk to you more," she says. I nod, "I would like that. You have my number now so we can talk whenever." She beams at me, "I will definitely take you up n that! And I will invite you over again, but I think next time it will just be us. None of the other guests that were here earlier." "That sounds like a plan," I say. She looks at Luchas, "I hope you can come too, Luchas. I really enjoyed your company as well." "That would be nice," he says with a smile. Dean walks us out and we wait for Fritz. Luchas excuses himself to make a phone call. "I'm sorry," starts Dean. "I think you've said that enough for one night," I say with a smile. "I shouldn't have pushed you. I shouldn't have grabbed your hand like that," he continues. "It's okay, really. Like you said before, you did it because you care." He nods, "I really do. I guess I was just hoping that I was wrong." He runs a hand through his hair. "If there's anything you need. If there's anything I can do, please let me know," he says sincerely. I can't help but smile. "You know, I thought I would never see you again. I'm really glad I was wrong," I say, "And before you try to apologize, please don't." He tucks my hair behind my ear and cups my cheek, "I wish I could have taken your place. I wish that you didn't have to go through any of it." I give him a hug and feel him relax a little, "I'm glad it wasn't you. I know I haven't said this before but for what it's worth, I forgive you. I know you left because you thought it was the right thing to do. Mayra is amazing, I'm really glad you two have each other. I want you to always be happy." He plants a kiss on the top of my head, "I want you to be happy too. I wanted so much more for you than this. I know this is going to sound selfish, but I am glad you're here. I'm glad I get to have you in my life." We see Fritz driving in and I pull away. "Take care of Mayra and yourself," I say and kiss his cheek. Luchas comes forward to shake his hand and as they exchange a few words, I get into the car. Luchas joins me soon after. I drop my head against the seat and gaze out of the window. "How are you holding up?" he asks. I swing my head around to face him, "I'm pretty sure I've had enough drama to last me a few lifetimes at this point." I hold his hand. "Thank you so much for coming with me. Having you there..." I pause and shake my head, "I wouldn't have been able to deal well if you hadn't been there." He smiles, "I appreciate that but I'm quite sure you would have handled yourself just fine without me." I look back out of the window and sigh, "I'm not so sure about that." He puts his arm around my shoulders and slides me closer. I turn and lean into him. It's the most natural thing. We've fallen asleep beside each other more than once. We've always tried to be there for each other through the nights when the nightmares were at their worst. Luchas has been one of the biggest blessings. He understands. We don't need to talk about it or say much in general. Just having each other for company has been enough to make those difficult nights less of an issue. Hopefully I've managed to help him in some way too.  
Luchas's phone buzzes, making us both jump in surprise. He answers and speaks for a minute or two before passing it to me. I look at him quizzically but answer. "Shea! Finally," says Jane on the other side of the line, "I've been trying to get a hold of you for a while now." "What's going on?" I ask. I already know what this may be about though. "We need to talk. When will you be back?" she asks. "I'm already on my way. I will come by as soon as I'm there. Where should I meet you?" I ask. After we sort out the logistics, I hang up. "Is everything alright?" asks Luchas as I hand him his phone. I look at him thoughtfully. He doesn't say anything, he just keeps his steady gaze on me, waiting patiently. "There is something," I say slowly, "But, I need some time before I can talk to you about it." He looks at me curiously but nods, "Whenever you're ready."


	19. Chapter 19

Blay, Q, Wrath, Beth, Jane, Manny and I are all in Wrath's study. It's time to find out what the results are. "You seem so calm about this, Shea," says Beth. I shrug, "More like resigned. I feel like what should happen, will happen. No point stressing out over it more than once." Wrath gestures in Jane and Manny's direction, "So, what are the results?" Blay and Q sit on either side of me. Jane looks at me, "There is definitely some vampire in you." Blay lets out a breath and grabs my hand. A huge smile spreads across his face. Q grins and throws an arm around my shoulders, "I knew it!!" They look at me and their expressions turn uncertain when they notice I'm not smiling. "Are you afraid?" asks Blay quietly. "I'm..." I look at him with a frown, "Actually, I don't know what I am. I've been trying to keep this at the back of my mind and just focus on other things. I've had alot distracting me too. So, this feels a little surreal." "There are alot of risks," says Manny. "It's your decision, Shea," says Wrath, "I think you should take a day to think things through and let us know when you're sure." "I'm sure," I say without hesitation, "I want to go through the transition." "You shouldn't be hasty," starts Jane, "There's a lower chance of you making it through and there are also the points you brought up before. We don't know what it would do to the cancer." "I know you're worried but really, what's the worst that can happen? We all know the cancer will kill me at some point. The transition is the deciding factor. Either I survive it or I don't. Personally, I would rather go out knowing I tried rather than doing nothing," I say firmly. "But this could kill you faster. Don't you want some time to do things before we do this?" asks Manny. "I know it seems like I'm being impulsive but I have given it some thought ever since this first came up. I've already been feeling a little worse for wear with the chemo. Before it gets to a point where I feel and look like even less of myself, I would rather get this done. If it would make all of you feel better, I can wait a bit. My answer will be the same though," I say. Wrath rubs his jaw, "One more day won't hurt. We can talk more about it tomorrow." 

Q and Blay walk me back to my room. "I think I should tell Luchas," I say. Q nods, "I've always thought you should. Was just waiting for you to decide to." "Looks like you have the chance to now," he nods forward and we see Luchas walking towards us. Q and Blay head off to their room and make a quick stop to speak to Luchas. "Do you have a minute?" I ask as he gets closer. He nods and we go into my room. He sits on my window seat while I pace around for a bit. My breathing starts to tighten and I feel my stomach twist. I gesture for him to wait a minute and rush into my bathroom. I heave into the toilet pan. Everything I ate at Dean's place is out. There's a knock on the bathroom door, "Shea? Are you okay?" I sigh and take note that my stomach seems to be settling down. "Yeah, I'll be out in a minute." I rinse out my mouth and splash my face with water. The cold water feels amazing. I exit the bathroom to find Luchas standing right next to the door. "Are you feeling sick? I should call Jane," he says looking worried. I shake my head, "No point." I drink some of the bottled water by my bedside. He takes out his phone, "Of course there is, she can help you. I don't understand why you have to always be so stubborn." I take his arm and guide him to sit on the bed. "Listen, I will explain. Just give me a minute to finish my water," I say. He looks like he wants to argue but he gives me the benefit of the doubt. "Okay," I say as I sit down too, "I am sick. Jane already knows." "Are you taking medication?" he asks. "I'm on treatment but there are side effects." He frowns, "Well then you need something else to help. I'm sure if we speak to Jane she can find an alternative for you." I hold his arm and he goes still. I try to keep my breathing under control. After vomiting, I usually just feel a whole lot worse. My breathing gets a bit erratic and I just feel so tired. "I have cancer, Luchas. But I'm on chemo, which makes me sick like this sometimes," I say. He looks at me confused, "But I can't smell the sickness on you. I would smell it." I shake my head, "Lassiter has been masking it for me. He knows that I want to keep it private." "How? He's not here so how is it still masked?" he asks. I shrug, "I'm just glad it works." I fall back on the bed, "Anyway, it's terminal. But Jane found out that I have some vampire in me so they're going to try and put me through the transition." His head snaps around to me so fast that I hear it crack, "What the-" "-Do not freak out," I say cutting him off. He gapes at me. "I know it's a lot to take in," I say. He snorts, "Understatement." He stands up and starts pacing. His limp isn't as bad as it used to be. "When are you going through the transition? How are they going to initiate it?" he asks. "I don't know. Wrath said he wants me to be sure I want to go through it at all and once I do then everything else will be discussed. I've already told them I want to do it but they said they want me to wait a day." "They?" he asks as he faces me. I nod, "Wrath, Beth, Q, Blay, Jane and Manny were there." "Are they the only ones that know?" he asks. "No, Mary knows too." He nods, "So that night by the pool..." "Q was taking me for chemo," I mutter. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" he asks. He looks hurt. I sit up and gesture for him to sit beside me but he shakes his head. "It isn't because I don't trust you," I say. He looks away from me and crosses his arms over his chest. I sigh. "Luchas, I'm telling you now. Can't that be enough?" He looks at me and his expression softens, "It's going to have to be." I give him a weak smile. He takes my hand and pulls me off the bed and into a hug, "I would have liked to have been there for you more. That's why..." I give him a small squeeze and a yawn escapes me. "Yes, I agree. It's time for you to rest. You've had more than enough excitement for one night," he says and he scoops me up and tucks me in. "Sweet dreams, Shea," he says and I feel his fingers trail across my cheek. My eyes slip shut as he leaves but I can't help thinking of Lassiter. I really hope he's okay. I miss him. 

Time flies by and we're back in Wrath's study. Luchas is with us this time. They explain the process. Jane says she may need V to assist as well. They seem to be really blunt about it, no sugar coating. That's the way I prefer it though. I notice Blay, Q and Luchas become more and more grim as the others explain things. "We've just given you more information. If you need more time to consider things, that's perfectly fine," says Jane. "If Shea wants to go through with this, when will it be done?" asks Q. "Well, the sooner the better," says Manny, "So probably in a few days. Just to take some time to get everything we need ready." "Maybe less than a few days," says Jane. Wrath turns in my direction, "Shea?" I look at him resolutely, "Let's do this."


	20. Chapter 20

Wrath gave everyone a night off. He said that if there were any traumas on the field then it would be too difficult for Jane and Manny to handle everything. The raids haven't been as bad as before and everyone really does need the rest. I'm on my way downstairs when I spot Fritz going into the library. I follow him in. He turns when he hears me come in and bows, "Ah, madam. How may I be of assistance to you?" I smile awkwardly, "Fritz, I've told you before, just call me Shea." "I shall try to," he says looking a bit uncomfortable but he's still smiling. "Is anyone in here?" I ask him. He shakes his head and I pull closed the door. "Fritz, I need a favour. This is something I'm entrusting only to you. No one else knows about this. Do you think you could help me?" I ask hopefully. He nods, "I shall endeavor to meet your request within the best of my ability." I smile in relief. "So, I'm not sure if you're aware, but I'm really sick." Fritz starts wringing his hands and I shake my head, "Don't be alarmed. Wrath already knows but I haven't told most of the people here. I want it kept private. It's just..." Fritz gazes at me worried when I pause, "Madam, I am so very sorry. I want to help. How can I help?" "This is really important," I start, "So, if anything happens to me. If I don't make it. I have letters in my room. There's one for each person I know. Could you deliver it to them? Just if I don't make it." Fritz nods, tears in his eyes. I smile and pat his arm, "It's okay, Fritz. I'm still here for now." "Yes, of course," he says with another bow, "Please do call me if you need anything. Anything at all." "Thanks, Fritz," I say and I leave him to his chores.  
I go down to the training center. Wrath has the area set as off limits for the night. There's a spacious room that's been set up for our use. They're all here. Wrath, Beth, Jane, Manny,V, Mary, Blay, Q and Luchas. I look around just to be sure, but Lassiter isn't here. I can't help but feel disappointed. "Are you ready?" asks V. I nod and step towards the table in the middle of the room. I step over the drain as I make my way there. Then I notice there's more than one drain. That should keep it neater. I hop up on the table and take a deep breath. I can feel my heart hammering in my chest. I'm sure the others can hear it. Blay, Q and Luchas come up to me. "It's going to be okay. You're going to be okay," says Blay as he takes my hand. He sounds like he's trying to convince himself more than me. "You got this," says Q quietly. He kisses my forehead and steps back. Blay gives me a kiss on the cheek and goes to Q. Luchas holds my shoulders and I look up into his gray eyes, "You're not alone. We're all waiting for you. Just make sure you come back to us." With that, he hugs me and then plants a kiss on the top of my head before joining Q and Blay. Wrath and George come to stand in front of me. "Shea, we do this on one condition. This isn't a suicide mission. I order you to fight to come back. I order you to not give up," he says sternly. I nod jerkily. "I can't hear you," he says. "Yes, I understand," I say hoarsely. His features soften and he takes off his sunglasses. I gasp, his eyes are so beautiful. I feel my muscles loosen slightly and he pulls me into a hug, Beth joins us too. They go over to the corner and everything gets silent. Jane comes forward, "Okay, we need you to lie down." I nod. I knew this already but it's like my body doesn't want to listen. I lie down stiffly and V comes forward, "I have to put the restraints on now." I nod and I feel him tug the thick bands into place. They told me it's for my own safety. It's to keep my body in a stable position during the procedure. I feel my chest tighten painfully and my breathing becomes ragged. This is too much like when T had me on his table. Mary comes next to me, "Shea, look at me." I look up at her and she says, "You're with family. You're safe." I nod as I feel my breathing ease up a bit. V has the stethoscope around his neck. It glints in the bright light as he stands beside Mary. "Jane and Manny are going to do the slicing," he says. I nod again and he gives my hand a small squeeze before stepping out of my line of sight. I feel a touch on both my forearms and jerk in surprise. "It's Manny and I. It's just us. Are you sure you want to do this, Shea? We can stop right now. Before there's no going back." says Jane. "Yes, I'm sure. I want to do this," I say, my voice is weak but firm. "Okay, prepare yourself. We're starting now," says Manny. I feel the blades slice through my skin on the inside of my wrists. I can't help it, I start hyperventilating. Tears stream down my face into my ears. Mary throws out her hand to someone I can't see, "Stay where you are! You could get in the way. I have her." The table starts to recline, I feel my head dip down towards the floor. Mary holds my hand tightly and I look into her eyes, "You've got this. You're going to be okay." Mary keeps murmuring encouragements to me while I fixate on her eyes. Her voice is calming. I let myself go, like when I was in the warehouse. It's like I'm here but not here. Then I hear chattering. My teeth? I'm cold. I keep focusing on Mary until I feel myself go limp. I glance towards the corner behind Mary, there's a bright light. I close my eyes and fall into the darkness. 

"She's lost consciousness," says Mary. She let's go of Shea's hand and steps away to give the others space. V has the Stethoscope pressed to Shea's chest and is listening intently. Luchas's face is ashen and he's got a death grip on his folded arms. Like he's trying to hold himself together. Mary places a hand on his arm and he gives her a glance before looking back at the table. It's been straightened out now. Shea looks so pale. Blay and Qhuinn hold each others hand tightly. Qhuinn's free hand is curled into a fist, his nails digging into his palms. They hear a crack and Blay looks down to find his phone crushed in the palm of his hand. He quickly puts it into his pocket and goes back to watching. The silence feels ominous. Everyone is tense, their main focus at the center of the room. "Almost," whispers V. Manny gets the syringe with vampire venom ready, Jane gets the second one ready and they wait. "NOW!" shouts V as he gets out of the way. Manny drives the syringe down into Shea's heart and quickly starts compressions. "She's too cold," says Jane, " Manny, move!" He gets out of the way and Jane plunges the second syringe in. She nods at him to keep going and gestures over to where Blay, Qhuinn and Luchas are standing. Luchas bites through his wrist and moves forward without hesitation. He puts his wrist by Shea's mouth and lifts her head slightly so that the blood can slide down her throat. She's so still. The only movement coming from the jerks of the compressions. Luchas takes his wrist away whenever they need to breathe into Shea's mouth. Luchas looks panicked, "Why isn't she waking up?! Why isn't it working?!"


	21. Chapter 21

I open my eyes to see a beautiful grass plain. There's a castle in the distance and a river near me. I walk up to the water and marvel at the clarity of it. It seems iridescent. The colours playing off each other as the river babbles happily. I bend down to get a better look. "You shouldn't get to close," comes a voice from behind me. I whirl around and almost lose my footing but a hand grabs mine and helps me get my balance back. There are three men standing in front of me. The one that helped me has alot of piercings, he smiles when our eyes meet. The next man has long hair and the third looks like a soldier. They're all tall and well built. "I'm Adrian, says the first man, "This is Eddie and Jim." He says while pointing to man number two and man number three consecutively. "Am I dead?" I ask. Eddie grins. "Well, that kind of depends on you," says Adrian. I frown, "Actually it's either I'm alive or I'm dead. There's no in between." "Hate to break it to you, but this is your in between," says Jim. He looks too serious to be joking. "What the fuck," I mutter. "Perhaps speaking more eloquently in a place such as this would be a good idea," comes a haughty retort from behind me. I turn to see two more men walk up to us. "My apologies," I say embarrassed. "No need to worry," says the one with darker hair, "I'm Colin and this is Nigel." I nod in greeting. "So what am I doing here?" I ask. Nigel looks down his nose at me, "We have a proposition for you." I raise my eyebrow in question and annoyance. Colin smirks at me. "Who exactly are all of you?" I ask. "We're angels," says Colin. "That..." I start but then realize, "Wait, do you know Lassiter?" Nigel looks livid. "Uh, never mind. Forget I said anything," I say quickly. Adrian coughs into his fist but it looks like he's trying to hide a laugh as he snorts a little. I purse my lips to keep from smiling. "You seem really relaxed for someone who could be dead," says Nigel coldly. I look him square in the eye, "It's not like I can die again." He narrows his eyes at me, "This was a mistake." "No, we have orders," says Colin. "Then you deal with this," says Nigel as he gestures to me. I look at the others and they seem to be trying to keep a straight face. I look back at Colin expectantly. "Right, a proposition. So you have a choice. You can die and go where ever you end up or you can choose to live but under certain conditions," says Colin. "What conditions?" I ask. "There's a war. You're aware of this," he says. I nod, "The vampire war against the lessers." "Well, it's going to get more complicated. We're going to need all the soldiers we can get. We need you to help us fight," he says. I take this in for a minute. "Only if I can help the vampires too. I want to help them fight as well. They're also short on numbers," I say firmly. Nigel looks at me in ire, "You are given a boon and you dare make your own conditions." "No offense, but you aren't the first angel I've met. If I was meant to die, we wouldn't be here talking right now. We need each other. As much as you may dislike me, perhaps it would be advantageous to have someone as tenacious as I am watching your back." Nigel looks gobsmacked. Colin grins, "I think you and I will get along just fine." "Well, her request really shouldn't be an issue," says Jim. Eddie nods, "We know there's a new phase of the war coming in." Nigel comes closer to me and bends a little to meet my gaze, I feel an intensity come off him that makes me freeze. "It would be wise to be more respectful in future," he says fiercely. "Nigel," says Colin as he places a hand on his shoulder. Nigel steps back. "So, is that a yes? Do you want to live?" asks Colin. "Yes," I say instantly. I promised Lassiter and Wrath that I wouldn't give up. I intend to keep my promise. "What about the cancer?" I ask. "Consider it gone," says Colin. "We'll see you soon, Shea," says Adrian with a smile. Eddie and Jim smile as well. I give them a small wave and turn to Colin. Colin's hand is already by my forehead and then I feel a jolt. 

"Why isn't she waking up?!" exclaims Luchas. Manny moves over so Jane can start compressions. "Maybe..." he says. "No," says Blay, "She will wake up. She has to." Suddenly Shea's body jerks violently, Jane gets pushed off to the side. V holds onto her and helps her off the table. Luchas pushes his wrist closer to Shea's mouth, just as she latches on and starts drinking in earnest. He angles her head with his arm so she can reach more comfortably and drops his forehead on hers, "Thank the Scribe Virgin." He starts mumbling in the Old Language. A prayer of thanks. Qhuinn and Blay come forward and hold onto Shea's hand and arm. She's still strapped to the table. V starts to undo her other hand and Qhuinn does the same. As soon as her arms are free, she grabs onto Luchas's arm. She sits up and curls herself around his arm. He moves her hair away from her face and smiles when he sees her colour returning. He keeps his arm around her shoulder while she drinks. Qhuinn notices him start to sag against her a little. "Come on," says Qhuinn as he touches Luchas's shoulder, "Let me feed her now." He bites into his wrist and tugs at Luchas's wrist with his other hand. Shea clamps down harder and growls ferociously. "Well, it's good to see she's back to her feisty self. Help me Blay," says Qhuinn as Blay comes around and holds onto Luchas's hand and arm. Shea's growl deepens. "Come on, Shea," says Qhuinn as he slips his wrist up to her mouth. He nods at Blay who pulls at Luchas's arm and Qhuinn slides his wrist in quickly. Luchas is still dripping blood, his wrist has a gaping wound. Jane hurries over to him but he licks at it stopping most of the blood flow. His wrist is still raw so Jane goes about treating it while Manny stands nearby in case Shea or Qhuinn need him. Jane gets Luchas to sit down. He's already pale from the amount of blood taken. "We need to get you to a chosen," says Manny to Luchas. "I'm not leaving her side," says Luchas stubbornly. "We can always bring the chosen to you then," says Jane. "I'll get someone to come down here," says Beth, "There are other rooms you can use to feed in if you want. Qhuinn is going to need to feed too once Shea is done with him." Shea clutches at Qhuinn's arm and takes long, greedy pulls. He and Blay exchange a relieved smile. "She's going to pull through this," says Blay. Qhuinn nods, "She's too strong not to." Shea starts to slow down. Her arms going slack. Qhuinn slowly moves her back so that she rests on his arm. Her breathing evens out and she goes limp. He lays her down carefully and licks his wrist. Manny treats it while Jane checks Shea's vitals. "She's not done yet," Jane mutters. She grasps Shea's hand, "You can get through this." "Why hasn't it started yet?" asks Luchas. "Maybe her body needs some time to heal the cancer," says V uncertainly. "What should we do?" asks Qhuinn. "I'll check her vitals again," says Manny as he goes over to Shea. He looks perplexed, "Everything seems fine." "Maybe we should give her some space," says V. Jane nods, "You guys go ahead. I want to stay just in case." "I'm staying too," says Wrath, "Maybe I should give her some of my blood. It might help." "How about we wait a bit before doing that, I'm not sure she would drink now," says Beth. "We aren't going anywhere," says Blay as Qhuinn and Luchas nod. "You two need to feed," says Jane to Qhuinn and Luchas but they both refuse the offer. Suddenly Shea gasps and starts to writhe in pain. 

"Thank goodness!" Everyone whips their head towards the corner of the room. Lassiter comes forward. "She's made her choice," he says relieved. He walks over to Shea and places a hand on her head as she squirms and winces. "Where the fuck have you been?" asks Qhuinn, "Do you know how often she's asked for you?" "I was always close by but I couldn't get involved. I was told not to sway her decision in any way. This is a turning point in the war," Lassiter says. "What do you mean?" asks Wrath. Shea leans over and spits out two teeth. She lies back on the table and her breathing is ragged but evening out. Lassiter plants a kiss on her forehead. "I'm so proud of you," he whispers to her. Luchas takes her hand while Blay and Qhuinn stay close. Jane does a vitals check again, "She's good." There's a collective sigh of relief and a nervous chuckle or two. "You didn't answer me, Lassiter," says Wrath with a growl. "The Omega is not going to be your greatest concern for much longer. There's another evil that's making their way into the picture. It's going to be a war that won't just be against vampires anymore," he says as he glows. "What does Shea have to do with all this?" asks Luchas. "She is our secret weapon," he says, with his hand still on her head. Shea's body starts to glow too. "What the fuck," whispers Qhuinn. Lassiter looks at them solemnly, "Shea is the first vampire and angel hybrid."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed this story, even if only a little. 
> 
> This is as far as this short story went in my mind, I thought it would be amazing to have a totally different kind of hybrid introduced into the BDB world.
> 
> I tried to use as little description on Shea as possible, I thought that may make it easier for the reader to feel like more integrated in the story. 
> 
> If you guys have any feedback, I would love to hear it :)


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